Again I'm sitting here on the floor between shattered glasses, the bottle of Whisky in my left hand while the fingers of my right hand are fumbling with your bracelet. The only thing you left me. It was a charm bracelet I bought you with a souvenir from every big city we went to together. I twirl the little Eiffel Tower between my thumb and middle finger, which looks so tiny in my big rough hands. I remember the holiday in Paris where I bought it for you. I remember the smile I managed to get on your face it was so full of happiness.
I take another sip of the bottle and let liquid burn down my throat. You weren't always happy. When I met you, you were a wreck with all the scars covering your body and the tears floating down your face. I tried my best to make you happy again destroying every bit of doubt. I remember a conversation at the beginning when you still tried to lie on how you were feeling:
'I'm fine.', you told me but I saw right through your lie.
'You don't look fine.', I simply said.
'Then stop looking!'
Back then you didn't know that even if I wanted to I would never be able not to look at you. You were so beautiful to me like an angel. Your wings were just broken and I decided that I wanted to fix them to help you fly again.
Another sip, another memory. You and me kissing for the first time, I told you how beautiful I thought you were and kissed all your scars. To me you still are the most beautiful creature on earth sadly you're just not breathing anymore. Because of me because I was such a dickhead and told you all that stuff. You were in that fucking car that evening because of me. I was also the reason you were driving with tears in your eyes. I was the cause that you couldn't see through the haze of tears. You saw the drunk driver too late. He was driving on your side of the road, you didn't notice him until the lights were blinding you and it crashed. I take another sip, while gripping the bracelet tighter and looking up at you through the fog clouding my mind. You look so beautiful with your wings finally fixed, not by me because I broke them again, this time god fixed them. You look at me out of sad eyes like you were sorry for my bad state. I looked back out of my green eyes the sparkle had gone away the second the cold voice on the phone said that you didn't make it. They grew duller with every day you weren't by my side. I looked up to you and whispered:
'Good night my angel I've missed you!'
But you stayed still like every night you never had anything to say.
I took the last sip of the bottle and my lids were growing heavier but I did my best to hold them open. I wanted to keep seeing you. I remembered the words I used to tell you 'Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear.' Now I could say that to myself, but I didn't mind as long as I'm able to still see you. My lids were slowly falling down and shut my sight grew dark but you were still all I could see.
'I'm gonna get my wings tonight too.'
