Life's Essence

15- Messages

A/N- Surprise update because my job is shit and giving me no hours so I'm going to have loads of extra free time to write this coming week. It's nice but also annoying because I really need the money

My dream was horrible. It made me afraid of myself. I was watching myself torture Ricky. I saw the awful things I did to him, the demented joy on my face, all of it. I woke with a start, my breath heavy. I ran a hand through my sweaty hair as I sat up in bed.

"Brendon..." I heard a whisper. I looked up and screamed. Ricky's body was there, walking towards me. Falling out of the bed, I started crawling backwards in an attempt to distance myself, but the corpse kept approaching. My back hit a wall, there was nowhere else for me to go. The corpse reached for me and-

"Brendon!!" I woke up, for real this time. Tyler was there, his hand on my shoulder and his eyes wide. Without saying anything I pulled him into a hug, holding him so tight I'm sure he had trouble breathing.

I let tears silently flow as I tried to calm my heart rate and breathing. My hands were shaking so bad, and I know Tyler noticed.

"Do you need to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

"I just want Dallon," I cried.

"I know Bren, I know. It's just eleven more days, you can do it. You're strong, I know you are. Despite this you're handling this whole thing a lot better than I would've. You can do it Bren, you can make it through this, I know you can."

I sat there clinging to Tyler for almost an hour before I calmed down enough to breathe normally. My hands were still shaking and I was still crying slightly, but I could breathe and that was good.

"Do you want some water?"

I shook my head.

"Food?"

I shook my head.

"Go back to sleep?"

"NO!! I can't go back to sleep not tonight, I can't Tyler please don't make me!"

"Shh, shh, shh, ok Bren, ok you don't have to go back to sleep. You're fine calm back down. C'mon, breathe."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry."

I didn't eat at breakfast, I simply grabbed a cup of coffee and sat quietly with Tyler. I was being sent back out for the first time since I got stabbed, and for the first time in two years I didn't have a sense of dread hanging over me.

There was still slight apprehension, I didn't want to mess up and get Dallon hurt or get myself killed, and therefore killing Dallon. But I didn't have dread about what I might have to do. Shooting someone? I could do that with no problem now. Drug deals? Piece of cake.

I felt like after what I did to Ricky I could do just about anything. I finished up my coffee and went out to the garage to meet Ronnie.

"What do we have to do today?" I asked in an emotionless voice.

"Just a few deals. Andy wanted to start you back easy."

"Let's go then." I climbed into the car and sat down. I noticed Ronnie giving me an odd look through the window before walking around to the driver's side and climbing in as well.

First deal was easy, went off without a hitch, and got a little over two thousand dollars. The second deal, however, wasn't quite as easy or calm. It was an ambush really. Not on me though. We were meeting in an abandoned theater on the other side of town.

It wasn't the first time we had met people there, and all of our previous deals with these people had never caused any trouble before. On the way over to the theater, Ronnie struck up a conversation for the first time of the day.

"What's up with you Brendon? You're quiet today." That was when I snapped on Ronnie for the first time in the two years I've known him.

"Gee I don't know! What do you think? It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that the other day I completely lost my fucking mind and tortured someone could it? Maybe it's the fact that I only slept for an hour last night and spent the remaining time crying and throwing up because of what I saw in my nightmares! And here's the real kicker, the only thing I saw was what I did! I saw my reality and now I'm fucking terrified of myself. Do you think that's it?"

I let out a huff of air, sunk down into my seat, crossed my arms over my chest, and stared out the window. Ronnie said nothing.

When we got to the theater, the people we were supposed to meet were already there. I got out of the car and slammed the door behind me before going around to the trunk and pulling out the duffle bag with the "supply" inside.

I started walking towards the entrance, Ronnie following quietly behind me, probably still in shock from my outburst. We went in to the normal spot and saw the guys standing around in a darker corner of the room. When they heard us enter they turned to face us, but that's when things started becoming unusual.

Five men came up behind Ronnie and I, but they only went after Ronnie. They struggled and fought, but eventually they managed to knock Ronnie out, leaving me on my own.

"Um, what's going on?" I asked. They main guy who we usually talk with stepped forward.

"I need to talk to you, but it's about stuff he can't hear. I have a message from you from Chris." My eyes went wide and I almost dropped the duffle bag on the ground.

"O-oh. Well, um, what did he say?" I stuttered out.

"There's someone else inside that has a deal with him. He's communicating with them since they're much more under the radar with Andy than you right now. The contact will tell you what Chris needs you to do."

"Who is it?"

"They will find you. Now we need to rough you up a bit so no one gets suspicious."

"Wait, what?"

Ronnie came to and we both limped out back to the car. The others said that they thought we were someone else and that's why they attacked us. It was weak, but Ronnie accepted it none-the-less, simply because they offered to pay four thousand dollars more than they owed us.

When we got back to the compound, Ronnie took the money off and I went to my room to grab clothes before I went to the showers. After the shower, I walked out with a towel around my waist and went over to the sinks to shave my face, my beard was getting kind of scruffy. As I was at the sink, someone else came over to the sinks.

"Hey Brendon," he said.

"Hey."

He looked around, seeming to make sure that no one else was around before he spoke next in a quiet whisper.

"I have a message for you. From Chris." I accidentally dropped my razor in the sink at his words.

"Second time today," I muttered. "You're not going to beat me up afterwards, are you? I don't really want that to happen twice in one day."

"What? No, why would you say that?"

"Never mind Dan, what do you need to tell me?"