Better Left Unsaid-A Kian Lawley Fanfiction

Chapter 15- Tears and More Tears

We stood outside for a moment, everyone of us confused.

Gianna, Ricky, and Connor found us and we all decided to leave Kian and go home.

He'd been a total ass tonight and deserved to be ditched, but I felt bad for Michael.

We got a taxi and went home. I drove home from their house and Kristina and Gianna came to sleep over my house, to help me feel better.

We ate cookie dough and watched comedies and wallowed in Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

But the entire time, I was replaying the horrid events of tonight again and again in my mind.

I had nightmares like crazy too. I'd wake up crying and Kristina and Gi would coax me back to sleep.

But I'd still have the nightmare. It was the worst night of my life.

The next day I woke up with a plan. I need to end the nightmares. I need to talk to Kian.

I drove Gi home and Kristina back to the boys' house.

I texted Kian to come home. But he didn't answer. He didn't have to for me to know where he was.

There's this one spot in the park under the big oak tree that we always went to when we needed to think. It was good for climbing too. Grabbing my penny board and heading outside, I noticed the gloomy gray clouds were back, but they weren't releasing rain yet.

I skated there, and found him staring at nothing, drinking an Arizona.

He was so deep in thought he barely noticed me sit down.

"Can I have some?" I gestured to the Arizona. He handed it to me, without looking. I sighed and tried to form all of my rushing thoughts into coherent words.

"Look, Kian. Last night was a huge mistake and I lost just it when I saw you cheat on me-"

"What? I cheated on you?" He laughed.

"Yeah. With Diana-"

"What?! No, you have it all wrong. After you went to dance with Michael, which I was totally fine with, Diana started dancing with me. I know she's a total bitch but it was just dancing. Then she kissed me and I pushed her off. After that I was looking for you, and when I found you, you were kissing that douche bag."

Apparently, I was the only one cheating.

"Kian I'm so sorry. I only did that because I was jealous and upset. I thought you cheated on me."

He looked me straight in the eyes.

"Never."

We sat a foot apart in complete silence, besides the low hum of people talking, and animals making sounds in the background. Then the four words both of us were thinking escaped Kians lips.

"We need a break."

It hit me full force, like an aftershock right after an earthquake. The earthquake being last night.

I already knew this in my heart and mind, but never dared say it.

I could feel us drifting away from each other more and more after every fight. But I didn't want it to end like this. I came here to erase the pain and stress and I only caused more.

Kian softly kissed my forehead and quietly whispered,

"Goodbye, Carrie."

He began to walk away. My lips parted to protest, but I couldn't speak. I knew that had to be our last kiss. I knew we had to say goodbye. On my penny board, I skated all the way to the beach, which is several miles away. My mind raced with questions with no answers. Thoughts of what we could have been. What if we never fought? What if we stayed together for years and years and got married and had kids? What if Kian was the one? All of that could never happen now that I screwed everything up.

I felt like I was stranded at sea, being drowned in my own thoughts and memories.

The beach was almost empty; it was raining pretty hard. The sea seemed to be upset with me; waves crashing wildly on the shore. Tears burned down my cheeks. I couldn't take anymore pain or I might just die of heartbreak.

I broke into loud sobs and collapsed into the sand. I just needed someone to help me. Someone to make me feel better. More than anybody, I wanted Kian. But, I knew that was impossible.

I felt someone shake my shoulder, asking if I was okay. Shaking my head, I brought my knees to my chest.

They sat next to me, trying to break down my walls and get me to calm down. But I couldn't. Then I turned and saw it was Lia. She talked slowly and softly. She took my hand, forced me to stand and we got into her car. Lia drove me home and called Kristina and Gianna.

"We need all the backup we can get. We should even call Casey."

Casey was an old friend I made in camp the summer before 7th grade.

She always helps me when I have boy troubles.

But she lives in Malibu, so I don't see her much. Everyone came as quick as they could.

I'd stopped crying, and was just staring at the floor. Lia began to rub my back again.

"Carrie, snap out of it. You can't keep spacing out and moping around! You have to do something!"

"Lia I can't! I didn't just lose my boyfriend, he was my best friend too! All of our memories are just gone. It was all for nothing! Our thirteen years together means nothing to him! It hurts! Lia, it-"

My tears came back. I took a deep breath.

"It hurts." The girls had arrived and all surrounded me.

"I feel like I do is cry and cry and cry! I'm so sick of crying." I laughed slightly.

Casey pulled me in to a hug and said, "It's okay honey. Come here. Audrey will make it better."

Casey held up a whole case of Audrey Hepburn movies.

"I love you guys." I smiled as best I could.

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I know I haven't posted in forever, hate me if you want but I've been busy. So enjoy.

xoxo,

Carrie😝