dkla | ᴶᴴˢ × ᴷᴺᴶ

六

ㅡ ❝when we tried it we were a fire with no smoke.❞

ㅡ

Staying in his bed for days surely wasn't the smartest thing to do, but he didn't really care about 'smart' stuff at all. He just loved the feeling of staying in his bed, somewhere he could still feel some kind of warmth. He had lost track of time days ago. He was sure his friends had contacted him several times. Hell, he even knew a few had been at his door, banging against it, telling him to open the fucking door. But, he didn't, he couldn't. He had no strength to leave his bed and, to be honest, he didn't want to see them 'cause they remembered him of Hoseok. Well, everything remembered him of Hoseok, especially his bed since they spent so much time in it cuddling for hours, but the warmth was what made it bearable. At one point Yoongi had even called: 'I'll call the police, if you won't open that shitty excuse of a door!' But Namjoon knew the older wouldn't call the cops. He was pretty sure Yoongi knew he hid himself from the world because Hoseok had left him. Seokjin had been there several times as well, telling him not to forget about eating properly and that he would be there for him if he wanted to talk. Namjoon never responded to anyone.

All he could do, all he wanted to do was to live in the memories he had of the great time he had spent with Hoseok. Only the memories managed to draw little smiles onto his face. He lost himself in the memories and every time he opened his eyes he was still caught in them.

He remembered the weeks after they've got together, it surely had been the best time of his life. After that one evening, when Namjoon had confessed his love to Hoseok through those lyrics, they had spent almost all their free time together. It had been a blessing to the both of them. Hoseok had been able to forget about his demons and all the things that depressed him, while Namjoon had finally been able to work on his music the way he had always wanted to. Hoseok had been his muse, the reason his passion for music grew with every passing day. Hoseok had been his passion. Not only that, from that day on, he had let Hoseok read all his lyrics, he also had let Hoseok help him with some songs, composing and arranging them. Every single time he had had to face a deadlock Hoseok had been right there beside him, helping him, even with his lyrics that were basically his soul. One reason more why he had considered Hoseok as a part of himself, Hoseok had been able to read him like an open book, knew about all his feelings and all the way Namjoon usually tended to express them. Namjoon had learned to adore the older even more with each passing day as well. He had fallen more and more for the older, and he had had no problem with that. He had let himself fall into the warmth of Hoseok, because he knew that was where he belonged.

Thanks to Hoseok people had started to recognize him even more, not only those who had already known him as an underground musician before. The first song that had helped him to his current fame was the song he had written for Hoseok, his confession. He hadn't been able to only leave it as lyrics after he had confessed. No, he had been determined to put those lyrics into the best song he could ever possibly produce, because Hoseok had been the best aspect of his life, so he only deserved the best. Namjoon had given his all into that one song and eventually people loved the song as soon as they had heard it for the first time. Until the current day he had no idea how people had gotten to know about that song since he had never planned on publishing it, it belonged to Hoseok after all. However, for some reason he was pretty sure Hoseok himself and probably his hyung, Yoongi, had been the ones publishing it. Hoseok had always wanted everyone to know the song, to listen to it and to love it. It had been Namjoon's confession to Hoseok and so everybody would know that Namjoon's heart was already taken by someone. Of course, people hadn't known who Namjoon's flame was, but everyone had also known there was somebody he would never ever want to hurt. People, his fans, had respected that and due to that he barely had had any trouble with them.

He also remembered all those nights Hoseok had stayed at his place. They had been cuddling for hours. Of course, they had been kissing too and, well, sometimes had been doing some 'adult' stuff, but cuddling and just being together had been enough for them. Feeling the other's presence, the other's love and warmth had been all they needed. Namjoon had loved to just snuggle against the older's chest, hiding his face at Hoseok's neck, shutting away the world. Hoseok had been his world, he had never needed anything else. He could still feel Hoseok's hands caressing his hair, he had loved it like nothing else in the world. It had been so soothing and it had calmed him down whenever Hoseok started to do so. The older had often just been sitting beside him, caressing his hair before Namjoon would have to go on stage once again. He had been nervous each time, but as soon as Hoseok had been there the world was alright again.

There had barely been any conflicts. The only conflicts they had, had been those whenever Hoseok had fallen back into his depressed state or whenever Namjoon had had a bad day. Namjoon had always tried to be happy each time since Hoseok had been his sun, but it hadn't been that easy. Sometimes Namjoon needed to just feel bad in order to write some deep lyrics. It had always been hard for Hoseok, but he understood anyways. Namjoon had always been thankful for that, but he had also known that it greatly influenced Hoseok's current state as well. He wanted to see Hoseok happy all the time, but that had been rather hard. It had been especially hard each time Hoseok had cried because of him. Hoseok had always been afraid that Namjoon might find somebody else, even though Namjoon loved him with all his heart. Namjoon would have never cheated on him, never. In Namjoon's opinion cheating on Hoseok had always been equal to giving up on his music, or even himself.

Hoseok had been his sun, his everything. He had loved him, still loved him. And he wasn't sure if that would ever change.