Shadow's Within

9 : I miss my mom

The blaring sun comes washing its graceful light over the dawning day. The woman that hugs me earlier escorted us into her house. Her home feels simple and at ease. The smell of the white oak furniture combines with a nimble of fragrance reminding me of a familiar atmosphere.

We make ourselves comfortable on her sofa. The target sitting beside me quizzically of what he was doing in this home.

"I...uh... get you a cup of tea" the woman broke the silence. "Just uh... let me... uh.." She continued pacing down the narrow hall towards the kitchen,

"What are we doing here?" The target demanded.

"Quiet" I answer.

"But..."

"Shhhh"

His face lit up with annoyance. Moments later, the woman return with a tray of tea cups. She places the tray on her walnut colored table and begin pouring the tea.

Her hands quiver as she pour the hot tea and it made some trickle of tea drop away from the cups. "I'm so sorry... let me clean that"

"No" I offer my hand over hers. She stares back at me.

She let me comfort her hands for a short while before retreats it.

Minutes pass in awkward silence. Her face a combination of happiness and wretched at the same time. I knew coming back here would just make her feel bad. After what I done to her, she had the right to feel mad. I heaved a gulp of air.

"I imagine you might be wondering where I have gone these past years" I broke the silence.

She didn't answer, just stare at me with her lifeless eyes. Her happiness of seeing me has been short lived. Now she's a mixture of sad and distress, a ticking time bomb towards the pits of anguish and suffering.

"Fifteen years" she suddenly said.

I glance at her. "I'm sorry?"

"You have been gone fifteen years" she said. "Ever since you left, I've been searching for you, putting up posters, go back and forth to the police station. I sat on that chair" She points to a lone Corinthian chair place in between the front window facing the asphalt atmosphere beyond the house. "Waiting for you to come home. Everybody tells me to move on, said you ran away with a boy or dead in a dumpster. But I didn't believe them, I knew you were still alive. I can feel it in my heart."

I sat there, hearts dropping, chest tightening, savoring each words, listening for the hell I let her face alone. Alone in this house.

"I'm sorry" that's all I said. "I know you must have felt hard. Nothing I say can ever make up for what I did. I left you alone, not even a note or a goodbye. But you need to believe me, I never meant to hurt you."

The silence continues on. The warm breeze scatters endlessly in the room, scavenging for things to touch with its warm gust. The air flew my hair backward and before I could fix it, her hands reach out and cradle my hair with her gentle hand. Her hand still emits the familiar touch I felt fifteen years ago. Her tender and affectionate hand that lull me back to sleep when I was little. I hold her hand and wrap my head over her palms, searching for the love I've been missing these past fifteen years. It feels nice and pleasant. The genial love of a mother.

A drip of tear wash over my cheek and I'm crying for the second time of the day. She pulls me closer and I'm leaning over her shoulders sobbing. I didn't care for the horrendous sound that came out of my mouth, I just cry without any care for the world.

"There, there" She whisper. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me my dear. I'm glad to see you after all this years." She pulls me back for a closer look. "I can't believe the girl I raised have grown up to be such a beautiful lady"

I couldn't help but smile. That is the first sincere compliment I had ever receive. My lips could not stop stretching back to smile. I wipe the tears out of my eyes.

Her eyes are now full of life like a light shining down from a morning sky. "Now, tell me. Why did it take you fifteen years to come back home?"

I stop short. I can't tell her that I've been secretly recruited into a top secret organization that harvest series of skilled assassins. "I'm... in trouble"

"What kind of trouble?" Her voice sounds concern.

The answers are not quite simple. I purse my lips. "A big one"

She rolls her eyes over to the man beside me then returns to me.

"Oh" Her eyes widen. Scanning over my body specifically my belly.

"No! Not that problem" I retort quickly.

"Oh thanks god.." She relaxes. "I was afraid you might have gotten yourself pregnant with this handsome man"

The target smiles at the last comment.

"Please, there is nothing going on with us"

"Hey.." he interjects. "You are lucky to land me"

I ignore him.

"Annie" she said. "Who is he? I been wondering ever since you came"

"Chase meet my mother. Mom meet Chase"

The target bows his head slightly. "Lovely to meet you, ma'am"

I fill my mom with an entirely fake story. The whole story of me being a rogue assassin running away with her target whom she cannot kill is a bit far fetch for her to digest. So, I told her a story involving me being a runaway girl from a leach loan shark who wants his money and Chase comes in as a guy who help me when he saw I was being chased in the street from the loan shark. My mom bought it, thank god. I had to calm Chase down saying I will include him in the entire truth story after everything had calm down.

We hid in my old house for the day. I borrowed Chase some of my dad old clothes. The entire day we rest was the most peaceful day I had in years. I crawl in my old bed, roughing my hand over the sheets and pillow that used to be mine. I close my eyes and doze into a depth of oblivion that I had been craving for.