Different

Chapter Fourteen

Just letting you know that the first half of this chapter is a lot of inner thoughts, but it has to be that way for certain reasons. Just read and you'll see why! :)

Have you ever just wanted to scream so loud that it could break glass, but at the same time want to curl up a ball and be completely silent? Well that's how I feel right now, and it sucks.

I roll over in my bed, causing me to lay on my side, and I uncover my face from underneath my covers. It is completely dark outside, which makes me guess that it's not quite dawn yet. When I look up at the clock on my nightstand, my assumption is proven correct. The digital numbers say that it is in fact only four o'clock in the morning.

I let out a quiet sigh and slip back under my blanket. I have literally be tossing and turning all night and not sleeping a fucking wink. My mind has constantly been thinking about the night and about...him. I have been trying so hard to push his face out of my head, but of course, it doesn't work. 

I don't even understand why though. I know for a fact that last night was just a friendly hangout, and he just wanted to make up for being an ass the other day. It was and will never be considered a date, and I don't ever want to go on with him either. Why can't I stop thinking about it? 

I finally decide that I just need to get up and have a glass of water and maybe a midnight snack. Food always seems to help...who knows why though? 

I slowly pull the comforter off my body and place my feet on the ground. Macy is still fast asleep next to me, so I have to try my best to stay as silent as possible. I most certainly do not want her to wake up because she can be a pain in the ass if she is woken up in the middle of the night. 

As I tiptoe through the hallway and down the stairs, I place my hands out in front of me to help me guide my way through the pitch black house. I know that there's nothing placed in the middle of the hallway that will just be sitting there, but it is more of an instinct to do that.

I feel the carpet turn into tile flooring, and I know I am in the kitchen. I reach for the light switch and quickly illuminate the area. After making such a hard decision between oreo cookies and the already half eaten box of vanilla wafers, I begin eating the oreos. What can I say? I'm in the mood for some cookies. 

For a moment or two, I am in a blissful state, just sitting there in the silence and eating my cookies. It doesn't take long for my happiness to end when I spot something draped over the back of the couch, his jacket. I place my stack of cookies on the counter next to me and walk towards the jacket, my feet dragging across the floor almost as if they know I shouldn't be going over to it. 

Taking the jacket in between my fingers and rubbing the leather fabric in a circular motion, memories of last night come back to me. Whoa. What the hell am I doing? Coming down here was supposed to help me, not make things worse. 

I forcefully throw the jacket, along with the memories, back onto the couch. My feet congratulate me by bringing me back over to my stack of uneaten oreos. I twist the top cookie off and begin to lick the cream out of the middle, just as I always have and always will. My temporary bliss returns, but I need it to stay as long as possible, but it doesn't. It goes as quick as it came just like before.

Thinking about Asher is just no use. I know that no matter how much I think about him, he is already some other girl's. He's Amy's. Just like Kyle said, Asher and Amy have been together for years. I can't be the one to come between them.  

Even if he was single, I would not want to see him in that way. I am just not ready to get involved with someone else right now. Unfortunately, I was the victim of being the one who got tossed to the side when another girl came into the picture.