Worthless (Unedited Version)

Chapter 21

~Kade's POV~

The sun hadn't risen by the time I woke up. I was confused at first, a happy daze surrounding me as I gazed down at the sleeping beauty in my arms, his soft breathes tickling my arm. I couldn't quite pinpoint exactly why the urge to howl for joy, to show the world that he was now mine, was so strong, pushing against my consciousnesses with a viciousness that was prominent in wolves. I noticed a kiss mark below his neck.

And then it all came back to me.

From the moment I got home to falling asleep with his name of my lips. Everything. Every touch, every kiss, every single one of his cries that sent me over the edge; it all came back in full force, making me forget how to breathe for a second.

I unwrapped myself, ignoring how Asher unconsciously tried to cling to me. I didn't allow myself to look at him as I got dressed or when I slipped out of the room. He probably wouldn't be up for hours, giving me enough time to think.

I made my way down to the living room, glaring at where I sat the night before as if it was to blame. I tried to work out a plan, build an apology, but all I could think about was the look on Asher's face the first time he climaxed. That mix of surprise and innocent pleasure was addicting. I couldn't get enough of him last night, bringing him over the edge time and time again till he began begging me for it, crying out my name with such need that I couldn't hold myself back.

I ruined him.

The innocence he once had was now gone. Yes, he hadn't been a virgin, but his mind was still pure. He didn't think of things like sex. I took him, the purity that radiated from him, and twisted it to fit my need, used it to gain pleasure. I left marks of my greed on him. Everyone would see. I was no better than his fake father, taking whatever I wanted from him.

He would probably hate me.

I sat back, tears filling my eyes. I didn't want that. I would do anything to keep him here, with me. I'd lock away the part of me that ached for his body. I wouldn't care what I had to do as long as he stayed. If I had to get down on my hands and knees and beg in front of the whole pack I would.

I had to control myself though. I knew that, when I saw him, I would do something. I needed to cut off that desire, I had to for Asher's sake. If it meant that he wouldn't hate me then I'd cut off any part of me so the rest could fit in. So I practiced until I could control my desire, until my actions were something I wouldn't regret.

People had already began to wake up, going about their daily tasks. I heard Jasper in the kitchen making breakfast. I assumed his mate, Lucas, was in there as well, giggling sounding every so often with an occasional playful shriek. I moved to the patio behind the house, a pain in my chest.

I found myself envying their relationship, the ease of how they acted around each other. I knew they were intimate, Jasper always having some sort a mark be it a love bite or a hickey.

With Asher... well I didn't know what was alright for me to do and what wasn't. I should ask him, but after seeing him break down when he shifted, I didn't want him to go through any trauma my questions might bring forth. It was terrifying. Just thinking about it made me want to howl with sorrow.

I distracted myself with some of the pack's company, the tension easing its way out. It was when I was speaking with Wyatt, one of our top fighters, that I felt, more than heard, his approach. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the others with stupidity happy expressions, looking between the two of us.

Kade...

I didn't look up.

Kade...?