Unexpected (Avi Kaplan)

Broken

Ivy's POV

"Alright guys! That's a wrap!" Ben said through the microphone. The group walked out from the sound booth and instantly embraced each other, cheering and high-fiving. They had just finished recording the last song of the Christmas album, so all that was left was some fine tuning and organizing the songs before the big release a week from today.

While Mitch, Kevin, Kirstie, and Scott each openly pulled me into a hug, Avi kept his distance before giving me a simple pat on the back. It had been a couple months since he kissed me, and ever since then, he had kept his distance. I like to think he was just giving me some space. Not like I really wanted it, but considerate.

"Okay I can take care of the rest, so all of you can go home, including you, Ivy," Ben told us with a bright smile. I gave a hesitant smile before hurrying out the door without saying a word to anyone. I didn't like it, but I let Avi think everything was okay. I let everyone think it's okay. I thought everything was okay, but after I found out Dean had posted bail a couple weeks ago, everything went downhill.

None of the others knew. I didn't want to put that load on them after things were going so well. I had gone back to wearing nothing but long sleeves and sweaters, careful not to show the fresh cuts on my wrists, and right now, concealer was my best friend. I couldn't let them see I wasn't sleeping. I could tell Kevin had his suspicions, but if he knew anything, he was nice enough not to say anything about it.

When I got home, I practically ran inside and slammed my door shut, being sure to lock it behind me. I let out a soft breath, hating the feeling of being scared all the time. I wanted to get my life back. It was already dark because we had decided that since we were so close to finishing, we could just finish up, no matter how long it took.

I just want to be able to sleep. I don't want to hide anymore. Why did this have to happen to me? He took my life from me. He took a hell of a lot more than that, but that didn't matter. He took my friends from me. He took my only chance at happiness. He took Avi from me.

I could feel the tears starting to fall down my cheeks, easily washing away the concealer that hid the bags underneath my eyes. I felt sad. I was angry and I needed to hit something, anything. Slowly trudging my way upstairs and making sure all the lights were out, I made my way to my bathroom to shower. I made it a point to avoid looking at myself in the mirror as I stripped down and started the water, placing my phone on the counter and waiting for it to heat up. When it did, I stepped in, letting my tears mix with the water.

Not wanting to waste time, I quickly washed my hair and body before getting out and wrapping a towel around my body. Then, I took a deep breath and faced my biggest fear at the moment. I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked worse than I thought.

The bags were more noticeable and my eyes were red and puffy from the crying I had been doing. My skin was pale and my cheeks were slightly red from the heat of the shower. That didn't help. I hated the way I looked. I hated that I hated the way I looked. Another surge of anger took over my body, and before I could stop myself, I reared back, my fist coming in contact with the glass of the mirror, shattered pieces descending around  me.

How accurate. I screamed at the top of my lungs, finding no other way to get rid of my anger. Screaming soon turned into sobbing as I slid down to the floor, my face in my hands. It seemed like forever that I stayed like that. I looked up at my phone, reaching up and grabbing it before leaning back against the wall. Glass was still around me, so I was careful not to stab myself with any.

I stared at my phone in silence, the tears making their way to the front of my eyes again. I was broken and I needed help.

Avi's POV