Harry Styles BSM

72. You are loved.

FIRST OFF PEOPLE BEFORE YOU READ THIS, I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT YOU ALL ARE BEAUTIFUL. I MAY NOT SEE YOU BUT I KNOW YOU ALL ARE BEAUTIFUL. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT.

So like the chapter before this, as I've said I just found this too on my laptop and stuff, the thing I wrote when I was younger. Oh and I actually changed the title of the chapter not that ya'll will care haha joke. And yeah.

I don't actually advice people to self harm when they're sad. Try to look for something that will take your pain away, and not this harming yourself thing. I know some people will think that how can I like write some things like this when I really don't feel that depressed like others and stuffs but I just want to show people that its not the answer to the problems. Please no hate but seek for God's help when you're feeling sad. Only he can heal you.

Now, please proceed 😊

Your P.O.V

I was walking my way home after school, actually I was a bit late so I didn’t catch the bus and now here I am. You must be wondering why I was late right. Well at school my life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns, probably it is the opposite, worse than the opposite.

Almost every day I was being bullied, get picked on because of my weight. Unlike the other girls my age I am different, starting from my height then my weight, for my age I was short and my weight is like double the weight of a normal teenager. Yes, that’s the main reason, second the fans hate me, and almost everyone on my school are what they call “Directioners” I don’t know why really, maybe because I don’t deserve to be Harry’s sister, maybe because I’m too ugly to be related to him, but it’s not actually my fault that I was born in that family, did you get what I mean?

I was near our house when my phone dinged so I looked at it and saw my twitter notification is blowing. I opened the app and saw many mentions, well it was a year ago when I made my account on twitter, and almost instantly I got haters, Harry told me to ignore it, which I always do, but in some other times, I let it get to me so I started feeling sad about it, I started hating myself and yeah, I was a little bit depressed. Though Harry told me to deactivate my account, I didn’t listen because of the fact that I am a fangirl ha! The hates never stopped to which sometimes I read, so I end up crying, locking myself on my bathroom, doing the things people do to take away the pain. Yes, sometimes cutting, other times I just do things to feel pain, like burning myself or ya’ know using elastic band, yeah I won’t tell.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I didn’t visit that side of the internet, and I didn’t hurt myself (a little). But this time, I found myself again reading those comments, those hurtful words. I know I’m a tiny bit used to being called fat, ugly, pig and something like that but there are times that I let them get to me like right now. I’m scrolling to my timeline consisting of all the nastiest words a girl could read. There are some giving comments about how I look, about my weight and about my entire being. Others say that I don’t deserve to be in the family, that the ‘Styles’ are just forced to look after me, that I’m adopted. One thing stood up though, the tweet saying why am I still in this world, that why shouldn’t I just get lost so that the world will be a better place, I just used some flowery words to describe it though it only has one meaning: Die. That hurt a lot, I’m just a kid and almost the whole world wanted me gone. I kept on scrolling and scrolling till I arrived. No one’s home, perfect. I ran straight to my room, I didn’t bother locking since I’m all alone and went straight to my bathroom. There’s this other tweet though that I should just ignore but the statement took my entire attention. Piggies are fat and so as you, go kill yourself so happiness will be true it said. Somebody made a poem for me, how lovely.

I guess its time to grant their wish, I took out my blade(the one I use for shaving) one slice for being fat, another one for being ugly, another for being worthless, another for being me. I got lost in my own little world, I didn’t shed a tear, not one bit but I’m still cutting, I was about to make another one when someone ripped my bathroom door open then the blade was thrown away from me. Shocked. I was going to get it but someone stopped me. I noticed it was Louis holding me while my brother took the blade and my other things away. I struggled from his grip but I can’t he’s too strong, I need my blades, that’s when I lost it, I couldn’t hold it anymore. I let my tears fall from my eyes to my cheeks I buried my face in his chest till I was sobbing as he kept on shushing me attempting to calm me down.