In Hate, We Love

29. Only Him

I wake up in my bed, in my bedroom, the only light coming from outside my room as it seeps under the gap in my door.

I groan and try to sit up, a stab of pain stops me abruptly in my tracks.

I throw the duvet off, pull up my top and stare down at my battered side, a bandage wrapped all round my middle, big but not big enough to hide the huge bruise and slight dent in my hip from where the desk crashed into me.

I wince and cover myself up again, staring around groggily. Bellamy! Bellamy, is he alright?

I count to the three in my head, ready to get up when I hear him. His voice, I could recognise it from accross the ark.

Loud, firm and worried.

"Clarke? Where is she?"

I hear my mum's voice next, "slow down there buddy, you both had one rough night, drink this and I will see if Clarke is awake, just hold on one second and stay put! If you even move so much as to get up I will send you right to the hospital where you will be asked all kinds of questions about what happened, but, I wont ask any so stay there and drink!" She says sternly and I laugh even though it hurts.

He's okay, thank god.

My bedroom door opens and my mum enters, closing it quietly.

"Oh Clarke you're awake" she says in relief, coming to sit at the end of my bed. She takes my hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. "Bellamy is asking for you, but Clarke-"

"Help me up" I say, not wanting to hear what she has to say, I need to see him.

She hesitates slightly before nodding. She gets up and moves the rest of the duvet off my legs. She helps me swing my legs to the side of the bed and with a hand on my back, helps me to stand.

I wince as my hip protests but it isnt too bad, she helps me to the door and takes me into the living room.

My heart speeds up instantly at the sight of Bellamy sat on the sofa, staring down emptily at a galss of water.

He looks up now and puts the glass down quickly, going to stand.

"Bellamy dont get up!" I say weakly and Bellamy stops. My mum lets go of me and smiles softly.

"I will give you two a moment" she says, walking to her room and closing the door.

Bellamy looks up at me, his eyes quickly scanning my body as if to check I am okay but I think he notices my limp as I walk towards him.

"Clarke...what...did I, did I hurt you?" He stammers, his eyes glazing over.

I swiftly sink onto the sofa beside him, my knees pressing against his thigh. I bring my hand up to his cheek and hold his head level with mine.

I look at him for a moment, he's so beautiful I could cry, his brown eyes look even deeper and more enchanting than before.

I run my thumb accross his cheek bone and he shakes his head slightly. "Clarke if I hurt you I couldnt-I couldnt live with myself-"

"Hey, shhh, it's okay. I'm alright" I say, my voice shaky, he looks pained. My heart thumps harshly against my chest, "you...you dont remember what happened?" I ask hesitantly and again Bellamy looks like he is in pain.

"No...all I remember is the prick in my neck as Kane stabbed me with that needle...everything after that is just blank" he says slowly and I cant help feeling dissapointed.

"That's okay Bellamy, you're safe and that's all I care about" I say firmly, trying to reach him. His eyes meet mine again and I pull myself closer, resting my forehead against his shoulder, I feel his breath against mine.

Bellamy brings his hands up to wrap around my waist and I wince as they brush over my hip. Bellamy notices.

He pulls back instantly and looks down.

"Bellamy it's nothing - Bellamy dont!" I exclaim but I am too late, he is already pulling up the corner of my top to reveal the large bandage. His face goes pale and I quickly envelope his hand in mine, pulling it off my top, letting the fabric fall back over the bandages.

He looks up at me, ghostly white in the face.

"Oh god" he says in a whisper, "I did that didnt I?" He says and I squeeze his hand, shaking my head.

"No. Bellamy it wasnt you, you werent in control! It wasnt you." I insist quietly, shuffling even closer, holding his hand on my knee. "It wasnt you" I say again, slowly.

"Im so sorry" he says and my chest aches to see him so defeated, his voice cracking and his colour drained. "I never wanted to hurt you" he says and I nod.

"I know, I know" I nod firmly, trying to show him that it's not his fault. Bellamy lowers his head to my shoulder and I wrap my arms around his neck.

His arms curl around my waist, gently and settle on my back.

We sit like this for a while, until my mum comes back in and insists on feeding us both painkillers and making some breakfast.

As we eat, the atmosphere dull and filled with questions I know my mum is dying to ask, I decide to explain everything to her. The murders on Deoxydrin, the purple eyes, Finn, Kane, everything - leaving out the details of what happened while Bellamy was drugged - neither my mum or Bellamy need to know exactly what happened...even if it hurts me like hell.

My mum doesnt believe us at first but she groans and admits defeat, saying she had noticed something going on.

She went off to clean up, leaving Bellamy and I. Why do I feel this way when I look at him? Like time is slowing down, my heart jumping and my stomach aching. He can't know what happened, I kissed him...I would kiss him again but he doesnt even remember.

I stay quiet, swing my legs up onto the sofa and lean my head against his shoulder, letting him slip and arm around me to rest on my good hip. I shuffle closer and close my eyes, thinking of him, and only him.