How to Date a Girl - A Gentleman's Guide

Chapter 8 - Raising the white flag

You may have tried every single approach on the "Getting to Know" phase and the "Friendzone" area and you still feel like nothing is bearing fruit. An intense feeling of disappointment and worthlessness will swell up because you think and feel that she can never be yours. That is completely normal, but only think of giving up when you have exhausted all of your resources. Never give up halfway. Never give up when you think that you can still do something for her. Never give up while the fire still burns.

Raise the white flag when you are contented with your current status with her. It is completely different with lying in wait and waiting for the chance to pounce at the opportunity to ask her out -- what I mean is that you do not want to further endanger what you have with her at the moment; you are content with being on the sidelines and supporting her. The downside of this is that you will have to extinguish the flame of love that burns inside of you. If you are willing to pay that price, then I am happy for you. You have made a very honorable decision and you can still be happy because you can still keep in touch with her. But if you do plan on starting up the flame again, give it time to rekindle. Do not lie to yourself by setting the fire on very low and telling yourself that you've given up, because the fire will spread without you noticing and it will engulf you alive, burning everything you have built down to ashes. Be sure that you have thoroughly extinguished it, and help her as much as possible, aid her to find that guy that you want to become, so that you can learn from it and set him as an example as the guy that you want to become to that special someone in the distant future that you want to be a part of your life.

If you do raise the white flag and you want to move on, don't cut off any communication with her. Remember that you have already made a connection with her, don't destroy it just because you haven't reached your goal. First and foremost, she is a friend of yours. You can confide to her about things that you have difficulty with, even on personal things. She can help you in things such as overcoming difficulties that you had when you are pursuing her (although telling her that you liked her is of your own accord), or ask her questions that only girls know the answer to. You will never know that the connections that you have built will ultimately guide you to where you want to go or what you want to achieve.

When you do decide to move on from her, give yourself some 'me time'. Don't rush in into finding another girl and be sure to make time for yourself. You have invested so much to another person that you probably forgotten to invest time to yourself. Recollect yourself, reflect on the things that you need to do, change yourself as you see fit, so that when you assure yourself that you can fight again, you are bound to make less mistakes.  Give yourself at least 2 to 3 months of 'me time' at the minimum. Let your heart heal from the scars of war. Do not, and I mean do not, pursue a girl because of the gap in your heart. Girls are not meant for rebounds; this isn't basketball. If you are determined to win a girl's heart after suffering defeat, go back to the start of this guide. Never jump ahead because you believe that you have gone through this before. Every relationship with a girl starts with a blank slate, it is up to us on how we will paint it. Don't suddenly jump into the colors without making an outline. You paint it slowly and with affection, so that you will end up with a masterpiece, of her and you being together.

Remember, giving up doesn't mean that you lost everything, it only means that you stumbled and you should learn why you fell. Get back up and kick that thing that tripped you so that you won't stumble on it ever again. There is no shame on giving up, because it is only to show that you got up better that ever. Watch out world!