How You Get The Boy (Bronnor au)

Chapter 1 (Prologue)- Connor's POV

"It's for the best." Brad had said. "It'll just be worse if we leave it." I'd known in my heart that he was right, but it still hurt to hear him say it. It felt like he didn't care, like he just wanted to get it over with. Maybe that's not fair, but that's how it felt. 

"I know." I'd whispered in response. "I just don't want it to be like this." 

Brad had sighed. "I don't want it to be like this either. But there's not much else we can do. We can't go on like this, it isn't healthy." That had almost been the last thing he'd said. After that, he'd turned to leave, but just before he went, he'd said "I'm sorry Connor."

Although him leaving was inevitable, I still wasn't quite prepared for it. At first, I was too shocked that I couldn't even speak. When it had all sunk in, I'd managed to whisper "I'm still in love with you", but it was to someone who wasn't there anymore and wasn't coming back. 

We'd been together for about 18 months, so whilst it wasn't the longest of relationships, it was enough to be intense. Brad had been my first serious boyfriend, one of the few people who actually understood me, and was one of the only people to mean it when they said they loved me. Except then he didn't anymore. I'd been in denial about it for a while, but I eventually had to accept that things were changing. 

We were starting to fall apart- we fought more, cried more, and somehow just fell out of love. I was still in love with the Brad I used to know, the one how was caring and fun and kind; not the one who made me cry and just seemed lost all the tIme. In my heart, which had been slowly breaking for a while, I knew that it was probably better to end things whilst I was still in love with him (and pretending that he was with me) than when I hated him. 

I still don't hate him now- sure I was angry at him, and cried because of him, but I never managed to say I hated him. That would be lying, and I hate to lie. When I was younger, I never understood why people who missed their ex didn't just get back with them, but now I get it- sometimes things just don't work out. It's a painful lesson to learn.

I was a wreck at first- I cried constantly, and it even got to the point when I was losing sleep and was incredibly pale. Everyone tried to reassure me that it would get better, and even though it did get a little less raw, it never totally went away. No one told me that my heart would physically hurt, and that I would feel numb and empty inside. I guess it makes sense though- I was effectively grieving for something and someone that wasn't there anymore. 

That might seem like an overreaction, especially for a relationship that ended with a (fairly) reasoned discussion, but it's hands down the worst thing I've ever been through. Even though it all happened about a year ago, and I really should have moved on my now, I still get sad. I wake up every morning expecting to see Brad snuggled up beside me, I expect to see his clothes scattered around the place, and sometimes I even read stuff in his voice- he used to leave me little notes, and sometimes I'm reminded of his voice when I hear his favourite songs. 

As weird as it sounds, I still have some of his stuff. There's normal things like photos, but I have some odd items, like his second favourite mug and a poetry book that I found fairly recently and  didn't have the heart to send back. I sent the most important stuff back, like the spare key to his place (that he's probably given to some other guy) and some of his clothes, but I couldn't bear to part with some of the more sentimental stuff. 

I used to sleep wearing his clothes for the first few weeks of heartbreak, and I still do now if it gets really bad. It makes me feel close to him, even though I'm not. I also have a bottle of the aftershave he always wears. I don't wear it myself (it's his thing, I bought it for him in the first place), but it's nice to know it's there. It's a reminder, but a bittersweet one.

Occasionally I'll see something that makes me think of him, even if it's just the snarky comment he can be relied on to make, but I still have to fight the urge to tell him all about it. I don't know how I would be able to- I deleted his number from my phone, and I haven't actually seen him since. I mean, I've walked past him in the street, but I've always ducked out of the way. Even hearing his voice would open up all the old wounds, and I can easily see myself going home and just bawling my eyes out on my bedroom floor whilst wearing one of his jumpers. 

Sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks of me, if he sees something that reminds him of me or hears one of our favourite songs. I bet he's moved on though- unlike me, he's not the type to dwell on things that don't really matter. Maybe that's why we fell apart- we just became too different. I wish I could move on as confidently as him, but I just can't.

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So, I'm back with another Taylor Swift based bronnor fanfic (to be fair, they're two of my favourite things). I feel like I should clarify that the events of this story are not related to those of my other bronnor story or my trames story. It's a totally different setting 😀

For a first chapter, I'm amazed that this was nearly a thousand words. I hope it was a good opener and set the scene though, let me know if you liked it!