How You Get The Boy (Bronnor au)

Chapter 15- Brad's POV

It's been a week since I fucked everything up between me and Connor, and I miss him so much. I've got no right to be this upset, it was me who said I hated him and made him cry, but I'm distraught. I've cried several times each day, and I feel so numb. It's worse than when we broke up in the first place, as it was all going so well until I ruined everything- we actually stood a chance of being happy.

Right now, I'm curled up wearing Connor's jumper and trying to stop the guilt racking through me. I want to make things up with him, but he won't with me. I don't blame him- if j were him I'd never want to see me again, but I miss him so much it physically hurts. The tears start to stream down my cheeks for what feels like the millionth time, and I can't remember a time when my heart hurt this much- it's a mix between heartbreak, anger and guilt. 

I wipe my eyes roughly, but the tears don't stop flowing. My whole body shakes with sobs, and it hurts. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for Connor- I promised him that I'd take care of him, but then I went and broke his heart all over again. He was right, I am selfish. I put my feelings above his, and now look where we are.

Sitting at home crying isn't going to make me feel better, so I decide to drive somewhere purely for a change of scene. I get into the car and put on some pop music station. It helps a bit, but I still feel numb. My body is working on autopilot, I barely know what I'm doing. I know the roads, but I'm just not sure where they lead. Soon enough, I find myself at an all too familiar building.

'No.' I tell myself. I can't go to Connor's. It wouldn't be fair to do that do him. On the other hand, there's a vanishingly small chance he might miss me, and since I'm here I might as well do something. I head up the outside stairs carefully, though I'm shaking with guilt and nerves. There so much wrong with this plan- it's selfish and irresponsible, but I find myself doing  it anyway. Again, Connor was right about me all along. 

I walk down until I find his door, but then I stand there for a couple of minutes wondering what to do. In the end, I think 'fuck it' and knock on the door. I'm reminded of when I was here at 1 in the morning, but I don't know if my reasons were better then. I take a deep breath when I hear Connor's footsteps, then my heart breaks all over again when he opens the door looking tearstained and exhausted. 

His eyes fill with tears as soon as he sees me, and he's about to close the door when I say "Con, don't." 

"Why shouldn't I?" he demands.

He's right, but I continue anyway. "Please listen." I beg him. "Please." I don't know if it's the trembling lip that does it, but Connor relents and lets  me in. He must be crazy, but I'm glad he is.

"What do you want Bradley?" he asks, sounding wrecked.

I sigh. "I came to apologise. I didn't mean what I said."

Connor scowls. "It sure sounded like you did."

"I didn't mean it." I repeat shakily. "I haven't been able to stop crying-"

He cuts me off. "Am I supposed to be sympathetic? You made me cry so hard that I nearly passed out."

"I'm sorry for that." I say, my own tears welling up. "I truly am. I just wanted to apologise. You can hate me now."

Connor sighs. "I don't hate you, it's just... you promised me that you'd take care of me and then you did that."

"I know." I say. "And if I were you I wouldn't have let me in your house."

"I miss you." Connor suddenly says. "It was so much fun until that."

"I'd love to have one more go." I whisper. 

Connor's eyes are watery again. "Me too, but I'm scared. I don't want to go through that ever again."

"I couldn't live with myself if I ever did that to you again." I say. "Tell you what- we could have one more go, and if you're not happy at any time then I'll go and you'll never have to see me ever again." 

Connor looks slightly hesitant, and I don't blame him. I know this idea is selfish and irresponsible, but I'm desperate. "Do you promise?" he asks, his bottom lip trembling. "Like, really promise?"

"I really promise." I say, reaching to take his hand. He lets me, and even gives it a soft squeeze. 

We sit there quietly until he says "I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be." I say. "I'm the one with the problem, not you." Connor's tears start to fall, and I feel a pang in my heart. "Come here." I whisper. Connor wraps his arms around me, tears streaming down his cheeks. Before I know it, I'm crying too- purely from the joy and relief of having my baby back in my arms. We sit and cry together for what feels like ages, and after a while I can feel Connor starting to drift off to sleep. "I love you." I whisper, kissing his forehead.

"I love you too." he whispers back. "Please don't leave me again."

I give him a squeeze. "I won't, I promise." I'm notoriously bad at keeping promises, but I know I'll keep this one.

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Sorry for rushing this, but I didn't want to have this part going on for too long. Let me know if you enjoyed it, though I'm asking myself why Brad is so selfish 🤔 I guess everyone has flaws.

It was technically Connor's birthday when I wrote this, so happy birthday to him even though I don't think he reads this.