How You Get The Boy (Bronnor au)

Chapter 14- Brad's POV

It was all going so well, until it wasn't. Right now, I'm crying my eyes out in the backseat of my car after having  a fight with Connor. We'd been back together for a couple of weeks, and it had felt perfect- we'd kissed again, picked out books for each other and even said 'I love you' again, and for a while I was wondering why we ever broke up. Now, as I sit with an endless flow of tears streaming down my cheeks, I can remember why.

We fought a lot towards the end of our relationship, and it was one killer one that caused me to leave. And now I've left him again, at a time he needed me the most. I don't know what started it in the first place, but it was like someone lit a fuse as we were suddenly screaming at each other, seemingly from nowhere. I was having recollections of all our other fights, which normally ended with Connor crying himself to sleep in my arms, but now I'm crying alone. 

More tears stream down my cheeks as I remember how terrified Connor had looked- maybe he remembers all the times we used to fight, and if he's anything like me, maybe he was hoping that it would resolve. But it didn't, which is why I stormed out. I'm in too much of a state to drive anywhere, so I'm crying in my car. Connor's voice yelling "You're so selfish!" runs through my mind, breaking my heart more than I knew was possible.

"How am I the selfish one?" I'd demanded. "It's you who goes around telling me what I can and can't do. You're not my parent!"

"No," he'd shouted, "But you're my boyfriend. We're meant to care about each other!" 

"I try to care about you, but it's so one sided." I'd said angrily. "You did at first, but not now!"

"You're the one who turned up unannounced at my door at one in the fucking morning!" he'd yelled. "What was I meant to do?"

"You could have said no, that's what any sane person would have done!" I'd shouted right back at him.

"Oh, so now I'm insane for trying to be a nice person?" he'd asked furiously. "I can't believe you. I let you back into my life just like that after you broke my heart and this is how you feel about it?" 

"I only did it as a last resort!" I'd nearly screamed, feeling tears welling up. "If I could have gone somewhere where I wasn't reminded of bad memories then I would have done!"

Connor had looked up at me, his big blue eyes filled with tears. "This is why we broke up." he said quietly but angrily. That stung. 

My heart breaks even more as I remember myself screaming something I'm truly ashamed of- "I'm glad we broke up. I hate you. I wish I'd never come back so I would never have had to see you again!" Connor's eyes had widened, and then he'd suddenly burst into tears- I've never heard a wail like it, and I don't want to ever again. I was shocked and appalled at what I'd said, and I'd stepped towards him. "Con, baby, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean that." 

Connor was sobbing, but he managed to shake his head. "Fuck off Bradley. Just go away." I didn't have the heart to argue back, so I just turned and ran out. I heard Connor's sobs get even more heart wrenching as I left, but I somehow managed to keep mine in until I got out. 

It was only when I was safely in my car staring up at Connor's window that I let myself cry, and I haven't stopped yet. I've been bawling my eyes out for a good 20 minutes now, but the tears keep coming. I can't even begin to imagine how heartbroken Connor must be, and I'm so worried about him. But I can't  go back and check on him, he needs some space from me. 

I wipe my eyes , but it was a pointless effort given how hard I'm  still crying. I feel so lost- I already miss Connor so much, but now I've completely ruined the relationship that was beginning to reform between us. Connor probably never wants to see me again, and I don't blame him- I made him cry (just like I did so many times) after I told him that I loved him. I'd be furious in his position.

My heart breaks even more at the thought of my poor little baby crying so hard that he can't breathe, or him feeling totally alone. I feel terrible, God knows how he must feel. Maybe he was right- it was so selfish of me to just barge back into his life and I'd broken him. Maybe it was for the best that we broke up. I don't even know where we are right now- are we still together? 

I don't know what I want us to be, but I wouldn't blame Connor at all if he never wanted to see me again. Looking up, I see his light turn off, and somehow my heart breaks even more. I wipe my eyes roughly with the sleeves of my jumper, but the sting of that is nothing compared to the pain in my heart. I fucked things up again, just as I always do, but now I don't know if I'll ever be able to fix things.

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Poor Con, and poor Brad. Out of interest, who's side are you on?

Please vote and comment even though I think this was awful, it was one of those times when I just can't type 😭