I still can't quite believe that me and Connor have been back together for 6 months. It's been amazing, and I haven't felt this happy for a long time. There was a time when I was so heartbroken that I didn't think I'd ever be happy again, but now I'm permanently in a state of euphoria. I'm so lucky to have Connor in my life- he gets me in a way no one else does, and I've never loved anyone as much as I love him.
Maybe that's why it hurt so much when we broke up. I had a whole future planned out for us, then suddenly it was all gone. It took a long time to get over that, and an even longer time to even begin getting over Connor. I don't think I ever completely did, but that doesn't matter now because I'm lucky enough to have him back in my life.
I remember having that fight, where I said some awful things that I really didn't mean, and I've never been as scared as I was during the week of silence that followed. I'd got everything I wanted back, and then suddenly it was nearly gone again. But it stayed, and I'm so glad it did. Every time I see Connor I fall more and more in love with him all over again- his smile, his laugh, his personality, just everything about him is amazing.
He could have had almost anyone in the world to be his boyfriend, but he chose me, and I'm grateful for that every day. Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night I'll look over to see his peaceful sleeping face, and I can never stop the smile. He looks so young and adorable, which I suppose he is, but everyone looks different at night. Occasionally I wonder if he ever does the same to me.
Part of the reason I found it so hard to get through my broken heart was because I kept imagining Connor with someone who wasn't me, and all I could do was fight the urge to scream that it should have been me. It should have been me kissing him, holding him, just generally loving him. For a while it wasn't, but now it is, and I know not to take any of it for granted.
He's asleep next to me right now, but I'm still up due to having a heavy mind and just not being able to sleep. I'd be ok with being up all night, as long as I had Con with me. I'd be willing to do anything with Connor there though. It's amazing to say that I'm in love with my best friend, but it's even better to be able to say that he's in love with me too.
Connor is curled beside me with his head tucked in the crook of my neck, wearing just a t shirt and his boxers. His soft, fluffy hair is all over the place, and he looks even cuter than usual. I brush his hair off his face so I can kiss his forehead, and he stirs. "Brad?" he mumbles sleepily.
I laugh quietly. "Yeah baby, it's me."
"Why are you awake?" he asks, still not opening his eyes.
"I couldn't sleep." I tell him. "But I'm just going to the bathroom and I'll try to sleep again when I get back."
"Don't leave me." Connor sleepily says, reaching for my hand as I stand up.
I laugh at his cuteness. "It's ok baby, I'll come right back." I stay true to my word, but Connor's almost fallen asleep again by the time I return. I slip into bed beside him, being careful not to disturb him. He's clearly still awake though, albeit just about, as he shifts to snuggle into my bare chest. After a few minutes, I think he's asleep, so I kiss the top of his head and whisper "I love you."
I'm surprised to receive an "I love you too." from Connor. I just smile at him and start to rub his back to ease him to sleep, not that he needs it as he could probably sleep anywhere. It's still nice though, and I know it'll make him feel loved. It also works well, as his cute snuffly breathing fills the room after a few minutes.
Connor gets eased to sleep by listening to my heartbeat, but unfortunately the same can't be said for me. It's almost always him sleeping on my chest, rarely the other way around. I reach down to take his hand and give it a gentle squeeze, so maybe he'll know how much I love him even when he's asleep. He probably won't hear it or feel it, but he'll still know.
Despite my best efforts, I still can't get to sleep. I'll pay for it tomorrow, but if I'm lucky Connor will let me sleep with my head on his lap. He'll probably let me, as he loves being close to me. So while it's not ideal now, I'll sort it out tomorrow. It's a problem for another day. Connor is safe and happy, and that's what matters. I might not get much sleep tonight, but that's ok because my favourite person definitely will.
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I feel like lots of my chapters have similar endings... never mind, because fluff. Let me know if you liked this (also the next one is the last one 😭 I'll miss this story)
It's my birthday on Friday, I'll be 17. I don't know how that happened, I'm a bit scared 😂
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How You Get The Boy (Bronnor au)
Fanfiction'Broke your heart, I'll put it back together, I want you for ever and ever' Connor never quite got over the relationship him and Brad used to have, as hard as he tried to. He just couldn't. He assumed that Brad would always be in his mind, but not...
