How You Get The Boy (Bronnor au)

Chapter 10- Connor's POV

When I wake up, I feel properly rested. Given that I only had a few hours sleep, it was the best I've had in a while. I open my eyes and am slightly shocked to see Brad curled beside me on the sofa. We'd fallen asleep in each other's arms after a brief conversation about the talk we have to do today. I'm bricking it- I really don't want to do it, but I have to- it's the right thing to do. 

Brad is still asleep and he looks so peaceful that I can't bring myself to wake him up, so I slip out of his hold and go to make myself some coffee, fighting the urge to press a kiss to his forehead. I make him a drink too, just the way he always used to like it. He begins to stir when I walk back in and opens his eyes slowly. "Hey." he yawns sleepily.

I give him a small smile. "I made you a drink."

"Thank you." he says gratefully. "I really needed a coffee." I go to make myself a bowl of cereal, but Brad is adamant that he doesn't want anything. "I'm not really a breakfast person." he assures me. 

Once we've both got some energy in our systems, I go to get dressed, but stop in my tracks when I realise that Brad doesn't have any clothes here. "It's ok." he says.

"No it's not." I say firmly. "You'll just have to borrow something." We're  about the same size, so it should work out, but it feels weird. I always cry in Brad's clothes, I don't know if he does the same with mine. Either way, he doesn't argue. I think in a way I'm trying to put off having the conversation, but I can't avoid it any longer.

We sit opposite each other on the sofa just stating at each other until I break the silence by asking "What are we, then?"

"I don't know." Brad sighs. "Maybe we aren't anything."

I know we're not nothing, and I want to be something- I don't want to be like this anymore. "No." I argue. "There's something. We have too much history to just be able to say that we're nothing."

"True." Brad agrees. "I'm not trying to be hurtful, but this feels weird. It's not a normal conversation to be having." 

"It needs to be done though." I point out. "And we need to be honest. Lying to each other will get us nowhere."

"I know." Brad says shakily. "I just don't want to say it."

"Say what?" I ask gently. 

Brad's eyes full with tears, and I feel a pang in my heart. "I'm sorry for leaving you like that." he whispers, his eyes shining with tears. "I was stupid. I... I think I was still in love with you when I left." With that, he starts to cry properly. Before I even know what I'm doing, I'm leaning over to wrap my arms around him. I care about him, and it's horrible seeing him so sad. Plus, he feels (or felt) the same way I do.

I hold him for a while longer until the tears stop flowing, at which point I let go and lean back. "Ok." I say. "Do you still feel like that now?"

Brad looks me right in the eye and says "Will you hate me if I say yes?" 

I'm so stunned at first that I don't know what to say. My ex boyfriend who I'm still in love with just told me that he feels the same way. Eventually, I manage to say "I could never hate you. I never have."

"I'm sorry." Brad whispers. "I shouldn't dump all this on you. It's not your fault that I can't handle my emotions." 

"I don't mind." I say, and I really don't. "We needed to get this all out in the open."

"How do you feel?" he asks shakily. "I don't know what we're going to do."

I sigh, then take a deep breath before saying "It sounds terrible, but I don't think I ever fell out of love with you." This time, it's my turn to have tears slipping down my cheeks. 

"I wasn't really expecting to hear you say that." Brad says quietly. 

I bite my lip. "I'm sorry."

Neither of us really know what to say, so we sit there in awkward silence until Brad says "Ok. I just want to say this, and you're more than entitled to hate me and kick me out after this." He pauses, and I look up at him. He gives me a sad smile before whispering "I want to try us out again."

My heart skips a beat. "What?"

"I want to try again." he repeats. "I missed you so much, and it felt almost perfect when you let me hug you. I want to be your boyfriend again. I'm sorry." His tears start to fall again, and I reach to take his shaking hands, giving them a squeeze. When he's stopped crying, he wipes his eyes. "You can hate me now. I'm so sorry Con."

"I've always felt like that." I whisper. "Ever since you left, I wanted you back." I know that's not healthy, but I can't help it. 

Brad just stares at me, his shaking hands still holding mine. "Really?" he asks. "I don't want to push you into anything."

I smile gently, but this time it's a genuine one. "Yeah. I don't know if it'll work out, but let's find out. We can give it a go."

-----

This was awful, I'm sorry 😭 But I'm so tired. Let me know if you enjoyed it, how do you feel now they're sort of back together?