Blind Side

Blind Slide• VII

It was Saturday, the day of the memorial service. I was ready to get it over with. I didn't like thinking of death. I haven't cried once since my mother died. I told myself it's alright to cry but why cry? Why shed a tear. She wanted to be pain free and now she was. So her wish came true so why should I be mad. I've been without here for so long that it barely phased me.

"You ok Auzlyn?" My aunt asked. she walked into the room and grabbed my hand.

"Yes. I'm just ready to get this day over with."i answered.

"Auz, you've been spaced out lately. If you need to talk you know you can come to me, right baby."

" I know."

______________

The piano player started playing a sad song cuing me to bring the ashes into the front of the church.

I walked down the aisle of the church. My family looked at me. Some crying, some praying.

Me? I was in a state of mind were I didn't want to feel. I kept a straight face the whole time. I saw the picture of my mother at the end of the aisle. She looked happy. I hope she's happy now. I'll miss the times we had together. I'll remember the things she taught me.

Like when I had my first heartbreak, she told me that life is about love. Some people don't know how to show love and you can't teach someone who ain't willing to learn.

And when I got bullied for having fangs and a gap in the 6th grade.She told me that everyone is special. God wanted me to be different on the outside like I was in the inside.

I would always remember that. I can't say I'll miss her. I'm doing fine without that side of her. I know she wouldn't want me to see her like that anyways.

I placed the urn down and sat beside Mooch, Aunt Lorraine, and grandma.

At the end of the service we had dinner at my grandmother's restaurant. I met Mooch's girlfriend. She was nice. I talked to my family members and socialized. My old friends even came. I appreciated that. In the crowd of people I saw a familiar face. He walked towards me. It was my pops.

"Hello Auzlyn." he said. He hugged me and I just stood there.

"Hey Clifford." I said. He looked disappointed that I didn't call him daddy.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when your mother was gone. I shouldn't have left you. "

"I know."

"I talked to your aunt. I asked if you could stay with me for the last 2 days left here. She agreed, only if you're ok with it."

"Clifford, I'm not a charity case. You feel guilty you left me alone to fight by myself just to survive? For what? A women? Money? Nah, Im not a charity case."

He sighed.

"No, I just want to catch up with you. I want to make up for the time I wasted."

I contemplated on rather to accept him or not. I decided I should let it got and let him in my life again.

"Alright. I'll go."

"Ok, let me know when you're ready to leave."

"Ok. Just give me an hour. I haven't seen my family in a while."

__________

After I left the dinner I got my bags and left with Clifford. He lived in Trenton so it wasn't that far of a drive. We pulled up to a nice sized two-story house.

"This you?" I asked.

"Yes. I live here."

We got out and went inside. A women greeted me along with a small child.