In pieces | 2Jae

8, What's wrong?

2 Days later

When Jackson returned to the dorm, he didn't expect to find a drunk Jaebum sitting on the couch. They got a three day holiday and everyone besides Jackson, Mark and Jaebum went to meet their parents. Mark is spending time at his friend's house, Bambam's parents are staying in Korea for a week so he was able to go and meet them, but Jackson couldn't fly all the way to China and Jaebum's parents are abroad meaning it was just the two of them. Jackson was meeting with his friends while Jaebum was alone, getting drunk. He didn't expect Jackson to come back so soon and he was caught by surprise.

As Jackson enters the room he sees Jaebum wiping his cheeks but the tear marks and his red eyes are still there.
"Why did you come home so soon", Jaebum mumbles as he looks away. Jackson puts down the backpack he had with him and then he walks over to Jaebum, sitting next to him on the couch.

He hasn't seen the leader drunk in over a year. They've had a few parties where everyone got drunk except for Jaebum. Jackson always thought their leader only drank few beers because of his position and to be responsible, but he was soon to realize that that wasn't the case.
"Hyung, what's wrong?" Jackson asks. He has indeed noticed the leader's odd behavior and it's time to get answers.

Many people think Jackson is really careless and doesn't see certain things, but that's not true. Despite his easy-going nature, he is really good at observing. He notices when someone's sad and that's why he's able to make the right people happy. As Jaebum's roommate there is no way he wouldn't have noticed the weirdness of his hyung. He has been wanting to ask Jaebum 'what's wrong' for a long time, but it always seemed like the wrong moment.

"Nothing", Jaebum gives the most over-used answer and closes his eyes as he leans against the back of the sofa. Why did Jackson have to come home so soon? He saw him crying for god's sake! Jaebum's mind is blurry due to the alcohol and he tries his best to keep his mouth shut. If he opens it he might say something he'll regret saying.
"Bullshit. What's wrong?" Jackson asks. Jaebum gives him another 'nothing' as an answer.
"What's wrong hyung?" Jackson asks for the third time. Jaebum opens his eyes and glares at Jackson.
"Aish!" he yells at the younger. Youngjae was never this persistent, he believed Jaebum when he said he was fine!
"Seriously, what's wrong?" Jackson keeps asking.
"Nothing is wrong!!" Jaebum yells in annoyance. A crease appears between Jackson's eyebrows as he too starts to get angry. All he is trying to do is help, Jaebum has been having troubles for many months now, the leader has no reason to get mad!
"Jaebum-ah!" Jackson screams. "Stop spouting that bullshit! You've been a wreck for many months now so don't even try to fool me with your words", Jackson yells at the leader. Jaebum is taken aback. Jackson always calls him hyung. They were born in the same year but out of respect he has always said 'hyung' instead 'Jaebum-ah'.

"I'll keep calling you hyung when you stop acting like a five-year-old", Jackson snaps sensing the older one's thoughts. The leader stays quiet for while before answering.
"You don't want to hear what I have to say, you'll regret knowing", Jaebum mumbles.
"No I won't!" there is a clear annoyance in Jackson's voice. The alcohol in Jaebum's body is affecting him more strongly by the second and in the end, he can no longer keep quiet. He has been dying to tell someone.
"Fine!" the leader yells and Jackson has to stop himself from smiling. Jaebum takes a grip of Jackson's shirt and looks at him but his eyes can no longer focus.

"Do you know why I haven't gotten drunk in so long huh? It's because I knew if I did, I would end up spilling the beans and that couldn't happen!" Jaebum is getting more agitated by the second.
"I've been keeping this fucking secret for 13 months now, all by myself, and it's eating me alive! I'm so sick and tired of acting the same way I do every single day, I'm tired of keeping it all bottled up inside, I'm tired of breaking down in the middle of my fucking shower because I can't take it anymore, I'm so fucking tired!" Jaebum let's go of Jackson's shirt and gets up from the couch, swinging dangerously. Jackson follows suit and takes a hold of the leader's arm, just to have him pull away.
"You wanted to hear it huh? Well, listen carefully!" Jaebum takes a wobbly step closer and Jackson stays put.
"I, Im Jaebum have fallen in love with this fucker, Choi Youngjae", Jaebum's voice is shaking with in-held emotions and Jackson freezes. Jaebum sees his reaction and takes a step back, a sick looking smile on his face. He's shaking in anger and sadness, he can't control himself. Tears start to fall on his cheeks but he doesn't care anymore, it's all out there. He's hurting and he wants to fucking show it.
"I'm in love with Choi Youngjae!" Jaebum throws his head back and screams as loudly as he can. Jackson is standing still, he can't process the information he received.

Then it hits him and yes, indeed, he does wish that he could unhear the leader's words. He regrets hearing it, he wants to erase this knowledge from his brains but he can't. He's not drunk like the one confessing is. Jackson looks at Jaebum who's breaths come out in irregular pants. Jaebum's eyes are blazing with unreadable emotion and he loses his balance. Jackson leaps forward and thanks his quick reflexes as he pushes both of them left so they fall on the couch. Jaebum keeps dropping curse words out of his mouth and his voice is agitated and unclear. Jackson doesn't know what to do, his mind is empty. He doesn't know how to help the older one and he doesn't know how to react. Slowly Jaebum's curses turn into sobs and he starts to cry. Jackson doesn't hesitate as he pulls the leader into his embrace and the alcohol in Jaebum's body makes him not care about how pathetic he is.
"You can't tell anyone, nobody can know", Jaebum mumbles unclearly between his sobs.
"I promise", the younger one answers and Jaebum let's go of the last self-restraint he has, finally letting himself break down for real. 

Jackson is shaken by the leader's outburst. Sure, he has seen Jaebum's tears before but never has he been like this. Never has Jackson seen him as broken as he is now, never has he heard Jaebum's cries so loudly. And because of that Jackson knows that what Jaebum said is true, he has actually fallen for Youngjae. Jackson tightens his arms around Jaebum wishing he could take all of his hyung's pain away.