This Isn't Insanity

Chapter Two

I pulled my feet beneath me again and grabbed my sketchbook and drawing pencils. Frank pulled his guitar out of his travel case and situated himself at the end of my bed. I tucked my bangs behind my ear and watched him steadily. Gerard sat down in my roller chair at my desk that had my poems and writings strewn across it. He watched me carefully with a smirk playing on his lips.

Before hand he had been praising me on my drawings and was mystified by them. He explained to me how he had gone to art school before the band had started. I wrote to him that I'd be honored to see his drawings.

It was weird being around him. I wasn't usually around guys never mind such a beautiful creature like himself. The way he smiled and he talked made my heart do a tiny type of dance. I wasn't around people in general actually.

"So any song you want me to play Faun?" He asked. I shook my head and twirled my hand as if to tell him to choose his own song to play. He understood and turned to Gerard.

"What song do you want to sing to?" He asked. Sing? This boy sang as well?

"Oh, um I don't think she wants to hear me sing. I-I'm not that good." Gerard shrugged effortlessly, looking around nervously. I shook my head and smiled then nodded at him. He gave me a confused look.

Sing.

I wrote in cursive font on the sketch pad. He looked between me and Frank.

"Alright. Demolition Lovers I guess." He said rolling his way over on the chair to the spot besides my brother.

"Hand in mine, into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway. With this trunk of ammunition too. I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets." He sang as Frank began playing. I stared at them in wonder. They were magnificent.

"I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me. And after all the things we put each other through and I would drive on to the end with you A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full."

I began to sketch a boy and a girl sitting beneath a tree. The girl was resting her head on the boys lap.

"And I feel like there's nothing left to do. But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running."

Now the boy had a gun. But he wasn't aiming it towards anyone it general. He just had it. The girls eyes were closed but her face showed pure contentment. I poked my tongue out a tiny bit as I drew. I had to stop myself from watching Gerard and focus on my skill.

"But this time, I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me. As snow falls on desert sky. Until the end of everything
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold."

I added some small butterflies dancing in the wind and a little bird in its nest. Despite the danger the boy held in his hands everything was going on peacefully. He was a protector, a brave, and a carer.

The girl cast a shadow. The shadow stood over the oblivious couple and had large bat like wings and horns. But it posed no threat.

"Until the end, until this pool of blood
Until this, I mean this, I mean this
Until the end of... I'm trying, I'm trying. To let you know how much you mean. As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold. But this time, we'll show them. We'll show them all how much we mean. As snow falls on desert sky.Until the end of every..."

I looked up from my drawing, which I rarely did, and rested my hands on my chin and smiled at the two of them. They both clearly loved what they were doing and I wasn't going to do anything to stop them. Gerard took his glance off the walls and looked straight into my eyes while he still sang.

"All we are, all we are. Is bullets I mean this. As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms. Forever, forever. Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning. Forever, and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one. Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun."

His mouth changed into a smile and he looked me over. I was still resting on my hands. The only thing my mind revolved around at the moment was him. He was something I've never seen before. Well yet again, who did I ever see? It was like he was a rare new type of bird that a scientist has just discovered. He was just amazing, and nothing like any one else.

"And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood. And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down. And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down. I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood. I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever." He took his eye off of me and looked at my drawing. He stood up and walked over to sit beside me. I shifted to the side to make room for him and leaned my back against my wall and looked between him and Frank.

"You drew that so fast, but yet so amazingly. You truly are rare." There he used the word! I smiled widely at him and nodded. I suddenly found myself doing something I never thought I'd do. I leaned forward and hugged him tightly around the neck. He seemed surprised but then wrapped his arms around me. I felt words crawling up my throat, almost like I wanted to... Talk. I never wanted to talk.

I pulled away from him and looked at his shining eyes. His face was slightly red and he looked down at the bed then back at me. I unwrapped my arms and sat back on my feet.

I tapped Gerard's shoulder and pointed towards my notebook. He picked it up and handed it to me.

Thanks for the show!

"No Problem." They both said at the same time. I laughed lightly.

There is something I want to do but I don't know how.

"What's that?" Frank asked. I pulled. the notebook back and wrote in a secretive sort of way.

I want to talk.

Frank raised his eyebrows at me.

"You're kidding! Right? you haven't muttered a word since never!" Frank exclaimed. I nodded slowly.

Hearing him sing makes me want to speak.

"Really? Because of... me? You want to talk?" Gerard asked taken aback by my sudden thought.

It was weird just by seeing him it brings me into a somewhat whole new light. I want to speak. But I don't at the same time.

I want to but I don't.

"Well, don't feel like you have to. I mean I'd be fucking great if you did but, take your time." Frank said giving me an encouraging smile.

"Who wants Lunch?" My mother yelled from downstairs. I perked up and crawled over Gerard to stand up.