This Isn't Insanity

Chapter Nine

"Faun, Mom wants to talk to you." Frank finally said to me. I sighed and unhid myself, crawling over Gerard's legs and stalking past Frank, bumping shoulders as I passed.

I walked into the living room and low and behold there was Mom, holding two coffee cups. She outstretched her handed and gave me one. I eyed her carefully over the edge of the purple cup and pushed a chunk of my hair out of my face.

"So Frank told me you-?"

"Stop acting like I'm some alien monster. We all grow differently, I have explained this before but I have seen how speech can hurt humans, it tears us apart or sends us sky high. Neither of which are as grand.

"Speech doesn't prove anything. You tried to get me help but I did not need it. I needed time.

"Which no one gave me." I said setting the cup down on the foot table I was standing next to a crossed my arms over my chest.

"Time? Time!" She started to laugh kind heartedly. "All we gave you was time! All you ever do is sit in your room and draw and be anti-social. That's time you could have used!"

My chest felt heavy and anger poured into my blood and brain.

"I never felt the need to then. that was my own time. But I needed others time as well. And I may be anti-social but it's better than being too social." I said containing my anger fantastically.

"Others time? One conversation with you and your greedy and needy! I never knew you were like this!"

"I-I'm not fucking greedy or fucking needy. People view others in hundreds of ways." I snapped and clenched my fists. She looked wide eyed at me.

"I liked you better before all this."

That's when everything fell into slow motion. I heard two pairs of feet coming down the stairs and the fight or flight adrenaline kicked in. I sprinted towards the door and burst out into the street, Dazed by the noises and people and cars and stray animals. Fuck, I had never been out here alone before and I didn't know where to go. I remembered the park and ran down the street barefoot in that direction, shoving past people in suits and chattering teens. Everyone ignored the girl in a tank top and baggy sweatpants running down the street crying but that wasn't new. Who would pay attention to me anyway?

The carnival was gone and I was glad when I spotted a picnic table under a cluster of trees. I collapsed onto the bench and held my face in my cold hands.

"Everyone liked it better before. Frank Did, mom Does. Its like I was invisible and I liked it that way too. Maybe things would be better if I was invisible." I muttered to myself then looked around to make sure no one was near me.

Alone. like I should be.

I whipped the tears off my face with the back of my hand and looked up through the tree leaves into the morning sky. I lightly touched my lips and remembered our kiss. I longed for him to be here, just to hold me, kiss me again maybe even. I needed that.

As if on cue-

"Faun?"

I sat up instantly. Gerard was at my feet in a black hooded sweatshirt with his hair messily sticking out of his hood.

"Funny how only you came." I scoffed and laid back down. He sat down on the ground next to my head and hugged his knees.

"Yeah, I came here because Frank is flipping shit at your Mom. He feels bad you know." He said and I felt his hazel eyes pierce into my skin.

"Sure he does and I bet your going to tell me she feels bad too. That she said it was just too much at once." I started and laughed to myself looking at the sky once more.

"Well-"

"Save your air. I've heard it all before." I said. I saw him close his mouth out of the corner of my eye and he just rested his head on his knees and looked at me. A few minutes of silence passed.

Gerard sat unmoving and looking at me until he reached his arm out and took my hand into his and rested our hands on my stomach. I looked over at him for once and he smiled hopefully at me. I took a deep breath and used all my energy to force a smile that quickly slipped away. He sighed sadly, then folded his legs and motioned for me to come sit with him. I moved off the bench reluctantly and sat in front of him. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him, his warmth heating me up. I felt like I was going to cry again but I bottled it up. He flattened my hair.

"What's the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay, so long and good night. So long and good night.

Came a time when every star fall brought you to tears again, we the very hurt you sold.

What's the worst you take, from every heart you break. Like the blade you stain, I've been holding on tonight." He sang quietly.

"Did you write that?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's for our next album hopefully." He shrugged.

"Tell me about it." I asked seriously. I wanted to hear more about this.

"Well I love the idea of Revenge so I hope for it to be a sort of 'Hey fuck you.' To a lot of people. We've come up with a few ideas of the name, my favorite's Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge." He said happily. I smiled at his enthusiasm.

"That's a really good idea. I love that song so far. is that all you've written?"

"Yeah, I haven't had much time to work on it. Maybe you could help me sometime?" He offered.

"I'd love too." I looked up at him then looked around and shivered pulling myself closer to him.

"Here." He took off his sweat shirt and wrapped it around me tightly. It was super baggy and the sleeves went way over my arms. He laughed. "You're so small! but it's sort of big on me. Anyway you look cute in it."

"Thanks." I smiled at the ground.

"Can we go home? I understand if you don't-"

"No I want to go back but I won't be talking anymore." I said sternly.

"What? no! I love your voice! At least talk to me!" He pleaded.

"Fine." I sighed. I stood up and we began to walk back. he kept one hand on my back as we walked.

"Hey." He said trying to get my attention. I turned to look at him and we stopped in the middle of the sidewalk as he grabbed my face and kissed me lovingly and long. he pulled away and rested his head on mine, ignoring the dirty looks people shot us as they pushed past us.

"If no one else will, than I will, I love you." He said quietly.

"I love you too." I said feeling chocked up. He kissed me again but this time it was short and sweet and we walked back to my house. I trailed behind him while he held my hand and we walked together.

It felt like everything was slowly slipping away except for him. Because I needed him.