This Isn't Insanity

Chapter Eleven

The three of us waited impatiently in the living room for the food to arrive. We had decided on Chinese food.

Finally the door rang and I ran to get it, my grumbling stomach became to much to bear. I opened the door and took the money off the counter and handed it to the teenage boy who brought us are food. I took the food and set them on the counter before taking the drinks.

"Well hello there." He smirked at me quickly looking me up and down.

"Sup." I said looking at him with a bit of disrespect since I found that look he had for me that way.

"You got a number? Facebook?" The kid said.

"Nope." I said simply.

"The names Blake and you are...?"

"Taken." Suddenly Gerard appeared besides me and glared at the kid who shrank under his presence.

"Thank you have a nice night." The kid ran off to his car and I closed the door and burst into laughter.

"Did you see how scared he looked?" Gerard laughed.

"That was awesome." I said.

I looked over his shoulder for Frank who must've disappeared into the bathroom.

"Since when have I been taken?" I asked him playfully.

"Since I first met you." He challenged smiling at me.

"I don't know, Blake was kinda cute..." I teased. He fake frowned and grabbed me from behind as I tried to walk away. He held my face in his hands and kissed me passionately once again not that I was complaining or ever would.

"Hey keep it PG kids." Frank said as he came down the stairs and smirked at us. We jumped away from each other

"Can I just say I called it?" He said before taking the food into the kitchen. Both of our faces turned the shade of cherries and we awkwardly followed Frank into the kitchen.

I took a plate of food and started for the stairs.

"Hey," Frank stopped me. "You don't have to hide anymore."

Gerard appeared behind him and they both smiled warmly at me. I looked at the ground and stepped down the two stairs I had climbed.

"You are right." I sighed and smiled, making my way over to the couch and sitting on it in my normal cross legged position. We all sat in silence in the living room as we ate. The only noise was the clacking of silverware on china.

I eagerly waited for one of them to break the silence. 

"She hates me huh?" I suddenly said. Both of them turned their heads to look at me as I kept my eyes on my plate.

"Who? Mom? No I don't think she'd ever hate you. I think she's just confused." Frank said. I shrugged.

"Sure." I mumbled hoping no one heard. I saw Gerard turn his head slightly to look at me and give me a sad smile.

"Why don't we watch a movie? How about Your Favorite, Faun. Donnie Darko?" He held up the disc case. I got up and shook my head as I put my dish in the sink.

"Not really in the mood." I said heading for the stairs. 

I shut myself in my room, just like I always should have. I never should have ever talked to Gerard. If it wasn't for him everything would be fine, nobody would hate me.

But, I love him. But hell, I don't have any clue what love really is to be honest.

It feels like I love him at the least.

No one cares

No one loves you

He's in a rock band

Rock stars always have groupies

Rock stars would never have you

They were right. Those voices were right. Nobody cares or loves me, not even him, It's all a hoax. Everything has always been a hoax. Life is but a dream for the dead.

Death feeds on life.

Why hasn't it swallowed me whole yet?

Maybe I need to do it myself.

There was a knock at my door about an hour after I had come up here.

"Yes?" I asked sitting up in my bed.

The door opened and non other than Gerard peeked his head through.

"You sure you don't want to watch a movie with us?" He asked raising an eyebrow. Just that slight movement sent my chest on fire. A good kind of flame. But then I remembered what they had told me.

He has other people, like Lindsey.

He can have anyone in the world.

When I didn't answer he came over to me and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

"You're kidding right?" I said pulling my upper half up so I could twist around. As I twisted around I began to fall but was caught bridal style.

"Nope, you will enjoy this. Because when you move in with Frank, this is what we do probably every night at his place." He said chuckling lightly. 

I cannot get close to him.

I dropped me on the couch than sat besides me. Frank entered carrying sodas and popcorn.

"Oh good you got her." He said tossing the two of us sodas.

"Unfortunately." I said blankly. They both noticed my reluctance and the room filled with an unsettling fog. The beginning titles of The Dark Night rolled on screen and I breathed out heavily, resting my head on my hand. I set my soda on the table and relaxed once more. 

About a half an hour into the movie I began to get drowsy but the boys were still wide awake complaining about the movie or laughing. I slowly sank into the couch and i rested my head on Gerard's shoulder. He put an arm around me, pulling me closer to him and kissing my forehead. 

I winced, hopefully not noticeably.

I can't get close to him

I cannot get close to him

I will die before I get my heart broken by him.

I will die.