I Need You (Daryl Dixon Fanfiction)

Chapter 33

Daryl-

The days went on, I can't say how many for sure, everything was just one big blur these days. Ruth, I don't know what to say about her, since coming back, anytime I showed her more affection then a kiss, she tried to get out of it. The guy Henry, the cigarette maker, she'll go and sleep at his place for the night. I wasn't sure what was going on with her, those nights I mostly stayed awake, looking through her sketchbook. It was filled with unsettling phrases and scribbles, scratchy drawings, smudged ink doodles, it was a mess. I can only imagine this was just the surface of what was going on in her mind. I had found the sketchbook after the third time she left to go sleep at Henry's place, I hate snooping through people's personal stuff, well living people, but I did. It was in a way frightening, I wasn't sure what to make of it all. I never said anything about it to her, I didn't want to upset her. The way things were between us, it felt like she was trying to push me away. After thinking she had lost me, I think she closed herself off, didn't want anyone else getting close, not even me, not anymore. I wasn't sure what to do with her, I felt like I was walking on egg shells around her, I had to be careful with what I said or did; so it felt like most days we didn't even talk, it was just good morning and good night. I don't know if she wanted me to leave, or wanted me to stay at this point. I wanted to be with her, I didn't want to leave, no matter how hard she pushed me away, I was going to stand my ground; even if she actually said she wanted me to leave I was going to stay, even if she physically pushed me I was going to stand my ground, I was not going to leave her again.

On this particular night, I was sitting by the window, enjoying a smoke, looking at the new drawings and scribbles in Ruth's sketchbook. I say scribbles because they were very difficult to make out, like she just scribbles it on there. Sometimes I was able to make out a few words though. 'HE LEFT, DEAD, STAY, GO AWAY, LOVE, THE LIVING, KILL, RETURN!' That's all I could make out in this batch of new pages. Her drawings even though they were pretty rough, and scratchy, they were very good I liked to look at them. I finished my smoke, putting it out. I shut the book and returned it to its usual spot, I climbed into bed and just laid there, with my arms behind my head, waiting for either sleep or morning, which ever came to me first. Since being here, I got the job of working on the vehicles here, which were mostly motorcycles. They were trying to figure out a new fuel, since gasoline was becoming scarce, they had all sorts of ideas. They tried dirt at one point, it just shot straight out the exhaust, same for mud, and if it sat too long, it just became concrete in the tank. The list was endless, but we would hopefully figure it out.

About an hour passed, neither sleep or the sun came, but Ruth did. She climbed into bed next to me, curling up into my side, covers pulled up tightly to her nose. I didn't move, I didn't touch her, I was scared she would get up and leave again, so I just laid there and allowed her to sleep however she wanted to. She was soon sleeping soundly, deep breathes coming from her mouth. Man, I miss being able to fall asleep that fast. The sun finally peeked over the horizon, Ruth snapped her eyes open, got up, and changed into her gardening clothes. Torn up jeans, a navy blue shirt, a bandana, and a hat, then she left swiftly not saying a word or making eye contact. It was going to be one of those days. I curled up under the covers tossing the pillows aside, and crashed out for a few hours.

I was woken up by a knock on the door, I stirred awake, rubbing my eyes," yeah." I yelled.

"It's Tucker, my dad is wondering when you're gonna come by the shop." He spoke through the door.

"I'll head over now, be there in a few minutes." I lazily sat up, rubbing my eyes again. I pulled on my jeans, a black button up, and my vest. I told Ruth she could have my vest, I liked seeing her in it, but she forced it back to me.

I pulled on my boots, stood to my feet, then stuffed my hands in my pockets, feeling something. I pulled it out, seeing that it was Beth's shoes laces. I looked at them for a long while, then stuffed them back into my pocket and I headed for the shop.