The Side You Don't See (Yaoi Boyxboy)

18

As hard as I tried to believe it, my hopes were far from becoming a reality. I suppose I never expected Kizumi to come around to Yuji, but was it wrong to hope? I suppose maybe it felt wrong because things didn't turn out the way I want. Actually...things were turning out worse than I thought they would. Since the day Kizumi had rejected my offer to sit with us at breakfast, he'd denied every morning after that for nearly a week, and eventually just stopped coming to the table in the morning.

At lunch, he'd slowly pushed himself away from the group. Recently I noticed it took him longer to sit down near us, and never once did he look like he wanted to be there. It surprised me how little he spoke to me over the past week or so as well. Unless it was school related, he really didn't say very much to me or anyone else. It was hard to see anything on his face other than irritation or a glare, and I didn't see that changing any time soon.

I couldn't understand it. Yuji had never done anything to particularly annoy him. In fact, my other friends were far more irritating than Yuji ever had been. Kizumi never said anything against them or treated them so coldly. It irked me, it baffled me...Kizumi wasn't only glaring these days, either. He refused to stand near Yuji, his stares were ice cold and the glares were nasty when they appeared. Sometimes, though I convinced myself I hadn't heard it, I swore I could hear him mutter extremely rude things under his breath once in a while.

I couldn't exactly tell him to stop anymore, because he really didn't listen. He'd look away or sigh like I was annoying him. He hadn't come to my house for a while either. I doubt he would after that time with Yuji. He may have been afraid that he'd be there again, but I also knew that Kizumi was probably not only angry with him...but also with me. Why else would he be giving me attitude as well? Even though he wasn't glaring at me or saying rude things to me, I could tell he wasn't happy with me. I tried so hard to talk to him, but I was always dismissed or given a stern look. A part of me wanted to man up and force him to talk to me...but another part of me was afraid to do anything to make him angry.

I was brave that one day in English a while back...but I wasn't sure I could brave in the same way again. I knew him. I didn't want to hurt him...to lose him. Then again, it felt as though he was slipping away from me by doing nothing at the same time...

"Shirou?" Yuji called my name for what must have been the millionth time already. Still a bit distracted by my own thoughts, I mindlessly replied,

"Yes?"

"Are you alright? You look...worried about something." He narrowed his eyes a little bit in concern. The others were too busy chatting to really notice.

"Oh...I guess it's just Kizumi." I sighed, looking around a bit. He hadn't shown up for lunch today. Even though he didn't like to, he had been sitting with us. Was he going to stop doing that as well?

"Kizumi?" He repeated his name. When I glanced at him, I nearly had to do a double take. For just a moment, I swore I could see a flash of annoyance in his eyes, and just the slightest twinge of his eyebrows at his name. Of course, when I scanned his face entirely, it was void of any such expression. I might have imagined it, but it certainly didn't seem like I had.

"...Yeah. Usually he at least eats lunch with us." I scanned the area again, seeing him nowhere.

"Shirou, don't worry too much. Maybe he just needs some space right now." Yuji offered my a reassuring smile and I suddenly felt a little guilty for suspecting that he had looked annoyed at hearing Kizumi's name. There was no way he could have been annoyed when he was able to say something like that so kindly.

"Maybe you're right." I smiled back at him.

(Kizumi's P.O.V.)

Maybe I was right to have been reluctant. Maybe I was right to have hesitated before making this decision to go sit with them. Nearly half the lunch period was gone already, but hurting Shirou's feelings more than I already had been brought me to my feet and had me walking over to their usual spot. I couldn't say that I was going to be the most exciting person to see, even to Shirou...in fact, I knew that I was probably his least favorite at the moment. I'd been avoiding him in person when Yuji had the opportunity to be close to him. He always took my seat at the breakfast table, so I quit going to breakfast all together.

Every time I tried to have a conversation with Shirou, even a little one, Yuji always popped in with something much more interesting and well put together than I could possibly come up with. So what did I do? I stopped even bothering to speak with Shirou while Yuji was around...but he always seemed to be around. I could speak to him in English class, but I had just been so fed up that I had nothing to talk about anymore. I was so angry...and maybe I shouldn't have bothered with finding them today, either. I would have nothing to talk about anyways...

This wasn't why I stopped myself from coming any closer to them though. That wasn't the reason I was frozen on the sidewalk. I might have been a good distance away, but I could see Yuji and Shirou clearly enough to recognize the expressions on their faces. Yuji and him were holding eye contact, smiling. Not talking, or laughing...just smiling. It was a solid moment between the two, and I suddenly felt a sharp pang of something old. Something I almost didn't recognize at first.

It was anger. Not just my usual irritation...I felt hurt to the point of being enraged. Tears flooded my eyes unexpectedly and I choked a little as I turned away. Fury boiled inside of me familiarly. Fury that I hadn't felt since before meeting Shirou. I could feel my hands shaking slightly as I escaped the scene before my eyes. Blinded by my tears, I ran into someone only moments after turning away. Without really thinking about it, I reached out and shoved the person in front of me viciously.

"Get the hell out of my way." I seethed, too furious to feel guilty about it at all. This was it. I was done playing into the games. I wasn't able to keep up with him anymore because I just didn't know how to play. I didn't need anyone anyways, right? Things would just go back to the way they were before, wouldn't they? That's how it should have stayed from the start. That way I wouldn't have had to feel so much pain...