The Side You Don't See (Yaoi Boyxboy)

19

What was was going on? I kept my eyes locked on Kizumi. In the hall, he refused to walk with me. Now in class, he refused to talk to me. Not once had he looked up or made even the slightest bit of eye contact with me. What pushed me to a state of panic was the rage emitting from him. Rage that I hadn't seen or felt since we'd become friends and got together. It was an old feeling, but it was familiar. Where was this sudden fury coming from?

I knew he'd been particularly annoyed with Yuji lately, and that he'd been slowly distancing himself but...it almost seemed like he'd finally snapped. I couldn't help but feel terribly guilty for not having tried to talk to him sooner, and with more effort. It was likely I might never get an answer now. The only option I really had at the moment was to ask him what was wrong and hope he forgave me or got over whatever it was.

I knew it had to do with Yuji, but he wouldn't have any answers. He didn't understand why Kizumi disliked him any more than I did. Talking to him would be pointless. The source of any information was Kizumi himself, but he just wouldn't open up to me. I felt my hands clench a little in frustration as I leaned over to see his face better. He didn't glance my way.

"Kizumi, please tell me what's wrong. You didn't even come sit with us at lunch." I tried for what felt like the tenth time. Still, he remained silent. Half-finished work sat on my desk, but I didn't care about that right now. Kizumi angrily scribbled down answers on his own paper. I wasn't sure if he was even focusing on what he was writing. His usual neat handwriting looked scratchy and just as angry as he was. He tensed when I stood up and sat right in front of him in the empty chair. The class was a bit chatty, so the teacher wouldn't notice. I placed my hands on his desk and leaned into his space.

"Kizumi." I stated with clear frustration in my voice. I was getting tired of being ignored. Though I did feel a bit worried he might explode, I had no other choice at the moment. If he ignored even this, then I had no options left. I wasn't going to hit him or anything like that. Unfortunately, my plan didn't go down well to get his attention. Instead of looking up at me and finally acknowledging that I needed answer, his eyes met mine with a dark expression.

"Piss. Off." He said through gritted teeth, keeping his eyes locked with mine. I felt my heart ache as I noticed his fist clenching around his pencil. His expression was cold, dark...he really meant it. I bit my lip a little as he stood up from the desk and walked away. I turned to see him slam the paper down on the teachers desk. I decided to move away from his desk before he came back and got even angrier. As I slid into my desk, I wiped a tear away from my eye. I couldn't start crying...not in class.

What he said had hurt my feelings, though. I just wanted to understand why he was being so difficult. Why couldn't he just be normal and try to talk it over with me? Why did he have to go so far as telling me to 'piss off' and look at me so hatefully? Another tear tried to escape and I felt him glance at me as I tried to discretely rid of it. When I looked over at him, I could see him clutching his bag in his lap tightly. He was hunched over his desk, obviously upset. Though he still looked angry, he also seemed hurt...why was he the one looking hurt? He didn't hesitate to say that to me. Why would he feel any guilt if he was so mad?

When the bell rang, he was gone faster than anyone else. I didn't even bother to pick any of my things up and ran after him. I couldn't let him just hurt me and walk away like that. I knew I was going to regret chasing after him, but I did it anyways. As I ran out into the hall, I grabbed his sleeve only to be given a vicious yank in return. When he whirled around and looked at me, he said nothing. Only glared at me. His eyes swam with sadness, and hinted lightly at terrible guilt inside. However, it was only brief. His expression quickly snapped into something much more violent, and he moved past me.

When I turned around, I could see Yuji standing behind me. He had his eyes locked on Kizumi though. I watched as Kizumi approached him with the obvious intention to do something to him. I couldn't bring myself to move at all, though. With fear, I watched as Kizumi grabbed his shirt in a tight, nearly choking grip. He pulled Yuji close to his face and spoke in a dark, spiteful tone.

"If you want him so badly, then go ahead and take him." Then suddenly tossed him back, towards me. Yuji looked back at me, but I was looking at Kizumi. If he...wanted me, he could just have me? Had Kizumi really just said that?

"Kizumi?" I choked and stepped towards him a little. He didn't look at me. He just walked away, not saying a single word. He'd ended what we had right there, and didn't even look back at me once. I felt my heart crack, and then finally shatter into a thousand painful shards as he disappeared from my sight. This couldn't really be happening. I'd lost him...

I didn't hear Yuji saying anything to me as my hand covered my mouth to muffle the sudden sob that attacked me. I didn't feel his hand touch my shoulder either, because I moved away. I ran to the bathroom where I entered a stall, locking it behind me. There, I could only sink to the floor, trying my hardest to choke back sobs so that nobody could hear me. The tears flowed constantly after that. Nobody came to bother me. Not even Yuji. I didn't go back to class for the rest of the day, either. 

I never knew my heart could feel this broken.