All I Ever Wanted

The Beach

Once again I apologize for the long wait and I apologise in advance for the shortness and sloppiness of this chapter, but either way, I hope you guys enjoy it. Don't forget to comment, vote and fan.

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Chapter Eighteen

My toes sunk into the warm sand as I stood by the water, the waves crashing gently at my feet. The sun was half way down, creating a mixture of colours in the sky above. Looking at the water, I remembered my mother and how we always wished to go there. Maybe this was the reason I hadn’t come here, because I knew she was going to enter my mind again. My eyes blurred slightly, but I blinked, trying to get rid of the tears. I couldn’t think about her, at least not when I knew Julian was only a few feet away from me.

It was enough that he knew about her death, he didn’t need to know more. With all of what had happened – moving in with my dad, making new friends, finally having a father again – I hadn’t had the chance to properly mourn over her death. I wished I could talk to someone about this, but I couldn’t. The only ones who knew about this were my father and Julian, both of which didn’t make it to my list of candidates.  

I wondered what she would say if she were with me right now, what we would be doing if she were standing next to me. Would we be swimming, or tanning? Would she be talking me into getting a boyfriend again or telling me about how I should spend more time with my friends? I sat down, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with all this thinking. I shook my head, I wasn’t going to think about her anymore, I needed to move on. She wouldn’t want her death to bring me down.

Breathing in a big amount of oxygen, I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

“It’s okay to think about her, you know,” he said softly from behind me.

I forced a laugh, “About who?” I asked, playing dumb. I did not want to have to talk about this to Julian.

I could imagine him rolling his eyes. As he sat down beside me, I turned my head slightly, so he wouldn’t see my face. My heart sped up when my brain made sense of our closeness.

“I think about her all the time, even though I don’t want to,” he said. I don’t think he was looking at me, because I couldn’t feel his gaze on me. Sure enough, when I snuck a look at him, he was staring into space.

“What do you mean?”

He was silent for a while, I almost lost hope of getting an answer from him but then he answered. “I never knew my mother,” he said finally.

My eyebrows furrowed together, a confused expression on my face, “Huh? Beth isn’t your mother?”

He shook his head. “She’s my aunt.”

My eyes widened in surprise. I wanted to ask him more, for him to elaborate but then he spoke on his own accord, taking the questions out of my head.

“I never knew her. She left when I was still a baby. I don’t think that she ever loved my dad; she only married him because he was rich. I don’t think that she ever loved me either.”

I stared at him, this was the first time in the few weeks I had known him, I ever heard such sadness, bitterness in his voice. “Don’t say that, of course she loved you.”

He scoffed, “Apparently not enough to stay and raise me,” he shook his head, still not looking at me, “you don’t have to try and make me feel better, I’m already over her.”