Reasons Why (Jeremy Shada Fan Fiction)

Chapter 22: Who Are You

“I… died.” I gasp.

“No, you didn’t. You’re here and you’re alive.” Aaron’s voice is soft and calming. I hold him tighter and rest my head on his shoulder. “You okay?” I numbly nod. “Okay.” He gets up off the bed. I look over at the foot of the bed and see Jeremy sitting there. His bangs fall over his forehead. Making him look younger but the look in his eyes would tell you different. He pushes them out of his eyes. I notice the splint is gone.

“Aaron, you should go.” I look at Jeremy. He won’t meet my eyes. “We’ve got some things to talk about.”

“Alright.” He looks at Jeremy, “If she starts freaking out again, calm her like I did.” Jeremy nods in response.

The door closes and an awkward silence falls over us. Jeremy is the first to speak, “Taylor? What happened last night?”

Last night’s events dawn on me and I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. I scratch my head, “I don’t really know.”

“Did I make you do that? Run off and, and want to just slip away?”

I look down at the bed, “I don’t know.” Tears start to well up. I blink them away.

“Then what made you do it?”

“A mixture of things. Maybe the way you left Sunday. Maybe the fact that I don’t really know who I am. Maybe everything just caught up to me and I didn’t know what to do. I’m scared.”

“You don’t know who you are?” I look away. “I was afraid of that.”

“What did you expect Jeremy? You really start to become who you are when you hit junior high. I couldn’t be myself. And I completely changed when I came here. Those memories always hurt me. As I get older, they get more painful. Your mind distorts them. They become worse.”

“So are you saying I hurt you by asking about it?”

“I don’t know. I guess. I wasn’t ready to tell you so it came out so raw. It just overwhelmed me.”

He looks me up and down, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I let a few seconds pass before I respond.

“I didn’t know you would.”

He stares at me for a moment, not saying anything, “When did this start then? You retreated two months ago now.”

“I thought it was only one.”

“So you knew you were doing it?” I shrug. He sighs, “It’s our four month anniversary today.”

My heart drops to the floor, “It is?” He nods, “This isn’t how I thought we’d spend it.”

“You think?” He says gruffly and looks away for a moment, “Taylor, you knew you were going to have to tell me eventually. I didn’t think it would drive you crazy after you told me.”

“I didn’t go crazy! I felt lost. You left and said you couldn’t tell me why you were leaving yet. You think you’re confused about where we are? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me? Every time I lay my heart out on a platter, guys just walk away. It may have happened only twice but it’s enough to make me feel like I’m not worth anything to anyone! You can defend yourself all you want, underneath you’re all the same.”

“Excuse me?” He looks as at me as if I had just slapped him across his face, “We’re not all the same underneath.”

“That’s what you think.” I push the covers off of me, “I’m going to the bathroom.” As soon as I put weight on my right foot, pain shoots up from my ankle and a large crack sounds. I fall back on the bed with a scream of pain. I grit my teeth together as I feel the bones grind together.