If Only We Could Have-A Rogue One Fanfiction

Because I Love You

I wake up in my rooms.  I don't know the date. I don't know the time. I just remember collapsing in front of everyone.

I still don't know if there was anything in the pile of scraps. I wasn't in my right state of mind when I landed. I understand that. But now, they want to question and interrogate and look at me disapprovingly.

I just wanted a bit of my father to keep with me. Is it that hard to understand? I didn't put the mission in danger. If anything, I helped them succeed!

But no. They're going to ruin everything.

Everything is falling to pieces.

I just wanted to avenge my fallen comrades, the innocents of Alderaan, my mother, my father, all of whom died at the hands of the Empire.

But, it seems, that won't happening any time soon.

I sigh and head to Command

Good luck, me.

/./././././././././././././././././

"Jyn. Can you tell us what you did today?" Mon Mothma looks at me neutrally. I can't match her stare.

I am again in a meeting with every high ranking officer in this base.

"I stole a ship to retrieve a last piece of my father from the Death Star. I don't regret it so-" I meet her eyes, finally. "-if you're going to kick me out, do it already."

No one speaks. Not for a long while. But then Cassian- Cassian, of all people, speaks up.

"No, we will not kick you out." He walks toward me, frowning. I just look up, confused. 

"Why?"

"Did you see what you found?"

..."No," I answer.

He stalks over to a bench and picks up a trinket on a string. I look at it, confused. Everyone's eyes are on him.

"What is it?" I whisper.

"A hologram recording, showing all of the ways we can hack into Imperial communications. But it's more than that, too. There's words carved into it."

"What does it say?"

"How about you read it?"

He places the trinket in my outstretched palm. I bring it closer to my face.

"'Where there is light, there is hope. Keep burning, never let that light go, for when you do, darkness shall turn the world cold'." My father, how did he know?

I've been doing it wrong this whole time.

I've been doing it for revenge, in anger and in hate. I have gone dark and foul for fear of Scarif or Alderaan happening again.

But that's not right.

I should not destroy the wicked, for that is a dark method. I should instead build the good up, over the darkness, smothering black coal with bright flames of joy.

I will let the darkness creep into me no longer.

I hand back the trinket. "Take it- do whatever you need with it. meanwhile, i want a different kind of job."

Dodonna frowns, but Mon Mothma gestures for me to go on.

"I don't want to fight battles anymore. I don't want to destroy. I want to free slaves. I want to give people freedom so wildly beautiful, they can taste it."

Mon Mothma smiles. "Of course. I think this would be good for you, too." She smiles, before saying, "You are dismissed for now. We will call you when your help is needed."

I nod. "Thank you."

/./././././././././././././././././

I'm walking back to my quarters when I hear footsteps pounding behind me. I turn around. 

"I really don't understand you sometimes." I say.

Cassian winces. "Please, I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I've gotten hurt before."

His mouth tightens. I don't want to do this. I don't want to start another fight, especially not with him.

"Which is why I don't want it to ever happen again!"

"Captain," He winces at the title. "I don't need your help. Don't watch me like you're my father; you're not."

"I just want to keep you safe from harm, I don't want to see you in pain."

"But WHY?" I scream. "WHY DO YOU CARE? AM I NOT STILL THE CRIMINAL YOU RESCUED FROM THE LABOUR CAMP? AM I NOT STILL THAT SAME GIRL YOU 'HAD TO KEEP AN EYE ON'? WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

I freeze. What is this hot liquid running down my face? What is this stinging sensation in my eyes? Who is this person saying such nice things to me- me, of all the pretty girls in this world?

Say something, my mind tells me. Say something back to him.

He sighs. He shakes his head.

"Okay. Alright then." He doesn't look at me again.

He just walks away.

I guess it's my fault.

It usually is.

/./././././././././././././././././

A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING, THE LAST CHAPTER WAS SO BAD AND I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TRY MAKE IT BETTER.

Also, I started high school and one word: Homework.

Also, I kind of had an existential crisis and felt like nothing we do will ever matter, life is pointless and meaningless, and kind of did nothing for a few days.

I'm sorry, but there'll be a lot less updates because of school.

Anyway, how was this chapter?

I love it when you explode.

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