At The Wedding

---I watched you go

This was not a wedding after all. This was death. Well, to me it was.

[Flashback: when we were 12]

I was running as fast as I could. Tsk. I'm late again. When would I ever learn not to be late? After forcing her to watch this sappy romantic movie with me instead of watching it with that jerk Seth, the last thing I would do was to actually run late because luck was playing a joke on me.

A last minute basketball practice? Congested traffic? I practically had to run from school just to get to the cinema.

When I got there, she was blowing off my eardrums. She probably wanted to punch me. "...and you come here looking like you came from a marathon, seriously Kier?" That was the only thing I caught in her whole litany.

"As a matter of fact, I did come from a marathon." And I finally got to explain.

"You should have just called and cancelled." She uttered as I dragged her to the ticket booth, looking a bit guilty for blowing like that. I can't blame her though; she waited for me for an hour and thirty without any texts or call from me. I was lucky she even waited for me.

"And what? Miss watching The Notebook?" I grinned. She finally smiled. We were about to buy the tickets when my phone suddenly rang.

It was my mom. I didn't want to answer it, but something didn't feel right. Suddenly, the place felt cold. I slid the screen and answered."Mom?" She was crying from the other line. My heart drummed. "Mom, what's wrong?" I did not want to ask that; I did not even want to hear the answer.

"Drew..." She was having a hard time breathing and she was crying more heavily. "Drew..." As she said the name of her younger brother again, the face of the man who taught me how to dream flashed in my thoughts. All I could think about now were the years he had taught me how to fish, how to play basketball, how to do photography, and how to become a man. He basically taught me how to live my life. He became a father to my older sister and me, when we lost our biological father when I was three years old and my sister was ten years old.

I didn't hear what my mom actually said next, but somehow I knew what it was. I just heard her wailing. I didn't even notice tears had escaped my eyes until I felt Alex squeezed my hand.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, worried. I let my tears flow and I let her drag me to the side. "Uncle Drew..." I did not want to say it out loud, hoping that if I would not say it, it wouldn't be real and that this was just some kind of a joke. But it was not. "...Uncle Drew is dead." When I said it out loud, it was final and I couldn't take it back anymore.

She gasped, "Oh my gosh!" She hugged me. I hugged her back. We were crying and comforting each other. We never got to watch "The Notebook."

I lost Uncle Drew, but if there was any consolation at least I didn't mourn alone. She was there with me.

[End of Flashback]

This time it's different. I was not the 12-year old boy whom she had comforted when he lost his uncle. I felt like an irreparable broken junk as I watched them. I felt lost and lonely.

Then the bell rang...

The bell signaled the start of the prologue to her new fairy tale and at the same time the prologue of my own misery. The bell made everyone hearing it cheer with joy. Everyone but me.

They chimed the sound of my sorrow. As its Ding-Dong-Ding-Dong continued, my heart beat painfully with it, being crushed until it became nothing but dust blown by the wind.

She looked at me one last time, that last painful glimpse as though she was saying her goodbye. Why did she have to do that? Is this really it? And then she turned to look at that man. Her face brightened with a smile. And then she was out carried by that man inside the car.

That should have been me.

That should have been me carrying her.

That should have been me brightening up her face.

That should have been me making her happy.

But, right now, it couldn't be me. It was not me and it could never be me. Not anymore. I couldn't do anything else, but watch her go.

A black and blue butterfly landed at the tip of my nose and as I was about to touch it, it flew away, just like the way she flew away from me. I was left alone. I closed my eyes, letting tears continue streaming out of them.

And then I saw her face in my thoughts, her beautiful innocent face. That was the face of the woman I've always loved. Auburn brown hair, green eyes, fair complexion and red lips. Then her voice, soft and sweet, echoed in my thoughts, "I love you Kier..." I cried all the more, kneeling by the altar, wanting to call out her name and tell her not to go. I tried to reach out my hand to the fading her."... but, you're 10 years late. And within those 10 years somebody else came and caught me when I was falling. I have loved him ever since... And I want to spend the rest of my forever with him."

Our story's over. It was over a long time ago. It had ended 10 years ago and I was just so stupid to even think that we could actually spend the rest of forever after those 10 years.

I lost my heart and my soul and she was not there to comfort me anymore.

I lost her too.

Author's note: I was actually listening to Bruno Mars' "When I was your man"