So Wrong, It's Right

Vegas...

(From coast to coast, I'll make the most of every second I've been given with this crowd, without a doubt you're all I dream about. At night we lie awake, with stories taking us back to the nights we felt alive, the nights we felt alive...)

The next month and a half passed in a blur, with finals and studying taking up a lot of time. When I did have a break, I was thinking about what I was going to do about being pregnant, as I still couldn't decide what to do, and my mom was still the only person to know. By the time Graduation came, I'd decided to go to my grandparents back in Jacksonville and have an abortion so Alex could never know.

"Sweetie, are you sure this is what you want?" My mom asked, making sure before she booked my flights and called my grandparents. She'd been so supportive since the pregnancy test reaffirmed my suspicions, although she was a little disappointed we'd been careless. I figured out that it was our night on the beach when it happened, and I was now 3 months pregnant, when I sould be going for my 12 week scan, but because I've now decided to get rid of it I don't want to hear the heartbeat or think of it as a living thing. I'm being selfish by getting rid of it, I know that, but I'm not ready to be a mom just like Alex isn't ready to be a dad. I'd rather wait, go to college, get a good job and be in a more serious relationship position before this happens.

I woke up to the smell of pancakes flowing through the house on the morning of graduation. I was relieved over the past few weeks, my nausea had stopped and I could finally get through a whole day without smelling something that made me want to vomit. I squeezed my eyes shut, desperately wanting to just be able to turn over and go back to sleep. I'd been dreading this day since I started at Dulany, because it meant the end of high school. It meant the end of our lives together now that Kara and I were going to college and the guys were going on tour. None of us knew what would happen next when it came to our friendship, and that scared me the most.

Mom came into my room, gently rubbing my shoulder to wake me up. As I opened my eyes, I saw her smile reassuringly at me before she said "This is your last day here, so make sure you say your goodbyes before it's too late." I nodded silently before getting up and stretching as mom opened my curtains to the bright sunlight, making me groan and squint. "Why mom...why do that to me?" I sighed, going over to my wardrobe, where my graduation gown lay in all its glory. Today was not only my last day of high school, it was also my last day in Baltimore indefinitely. I was off to my grandparents tonight, and then London at the end of the summer for university.

My things were packed, placed in boxes labelled 'KEEP' or 'BIN' or 'GIVE AWAY'. No one knew I was leaving but my mom, and we'd spent most of last night packing because I didn't want anyone finding out I was leaving for good. I had told them I was going to my grandparents tonight, they just didn't know it was probably for the summer and they'd never see me again. I hated lying to them, but I didn't wanna break Alex's heart, I'd lied to him so much over the last few months I dreaded saying goodbye to him after graduation.

After showering, I went and had my pancakes in the kitchen. While I was finishing my last bite, my cell started vibrating on the work top, so I went over and answered it before checking who it was. "Heyy...how're you feeling this morning?" Alex asked groggily. I could tell he'd just woken up by how he sounded, and my stomach started making butterflies, and my hand instinctively cradled where the baby was growing. Alex knew I'd been acting differently since I was ill, but I always brushed it off as finals nerves, or graduation nerves. As time went on, I stopped being as intimate with him, but he didn't seem to mind, telling me he loved me too much to care, which only made things a lot worse.

"Morning," I groaned back "I can't believe this is our last day at Dulaney. I'm gunna miss it all." I sighed. Alex knew how much I'd loved my time there, although he couldn't wait to start touring, which was gunna be in a week, not that I'd be here to wish him off. "Awh babe, just think of what's ahead, we have our whole lives ahead of us." If only he knew.

After talking to Alex for a few more minutes, I went upstairs and put on a pair of jeans and a top, but horror struck me when I saw they were getting tight, and when I looked in the mirror, I could see a bump forming slightly, making me feel sick to the stomach but I kept it in. Mom came in and saw what I was doing, and she sighed, taking me over to my desk and dried my hair for me, and we decided to have my hair in a loose braid, my bangs able to fall into my face. Mom then started doing my make up, trying to cheer me up by singing badly out of tune to Good Charlotte, as she'd started to get to know the words from me playing them constantly recently, because I couldn't listen to Jimmy Eat World anymore without thinking of how I was leaving Alex and everyone behind. When it was all finally done, I put my black robe on, carrying my cap and we made our way over to the Gaskarth's after taking a few pictures in the house. Mom took my hand as we crossed the road, squeezing it tightly as if to reassure me everything was going to be okay, although I knew it wasn't.

We didn't even need to ring the doorbell, because Isobel opened the door and greeted us with open arms before we even made it up the path to the Gaskarth's. Isobel hugged me tightly, and you could tell she was ever so excited about today, because it had taken a lot of work to make sure Alex passed, even though he barely managed with a GPA of 1.4, whereas I'd passed with a GPA of 4.0, and my mom was so proud. I was making sure I made her even more proud when I was at college, and then in a good job, I was determined to.

As soon as I got in the Gaskarth's, I saw Alex in the living room in his robes, his hair messy as usual and his cap on the couch, when he turned to look at me and smiled, by heart melted.