So Wrong, It's Right

Come One, Come All (Alex's P.O.V)

(Come one, come all you're just in time to witness my first break down, 'cos there's a mile gone with every minute passed, when I'm wasting space in this town.)

I stood and watched as the bus pulled out of the depot and drive off down the road, getting smaller and smaller as my heart broke more and more. The rain pouring down on me didn't bother me as I watched the love of my life disappear, no word of why or where she was going.

She'd also just told me she didn't love me anymore.

I didn't believe for a second that she didn't love me anymore, yet there was still a part of me that believed what she'd just said, and my mind was racing over the past few weeks when she'd been distant from us all, but I'd but it down to pressure studying for finals, and how scared she was of graduating and leaving high school behind. I never thought this would happen.

I stood there, hoping to see her come back from the darkness and tell me she'd made a huge mistake about leaving, and that she loved me and wasn't going to do that ever again. I waited there until Jack, Zack and Matt arrived and forced me into the passenger seat of my car, Matt driving me back home with Rian and Jack in Rian's car behind us. The whole ride, I stayed silent, just watching out the window as houses and buildings passed. I saw people from my senior classes laughing and joking in the streets, and I wanted us to be there, all of us hanging out and celebrating graduation, but now I didn't care. I just wanted her back.

I got out of the car as soon as Matt stopped on the driveway, storming into the house and going up to my room, jamming the door shut and turning on whatever music was in my stereo full blast. First, I took off my soaked trainers and threw them at my desk, then I saw the photograph of Jen and I. Anger came over me as I felt the need to destroy it. And everything that meant something to the both of us. The photos and papers were the first thing I threw to the floor. Glass smashing into thousands of tiny pieces on the carpet. I moved to my CDs, throwing her mixtape to the floor along with any cd that reminded me of her. At this moment in time, I hated her. She'd left me. No explanation as to why, except that she didn't love me anymore.

I walked over to my bed, ignoring the pain in the balls of my feet from the glass piercing the skin and cutting into the flesh. The pain was nothing to how empty my heart felt. I felt hollow as I threw my duvet off my bed in any direction and curled up into a ball. Tears fell from my eyes as I wrapped my arms over my knees and looked out the window. The moon was barely visible through the thick clouds as heavy rain pelted my window, but I couldn't hear it over Matt Skiba's voice, although every noise was blurring into one. I could hear them shouting on the other side of my door, I could hear the loud knocks, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I didn't care either. I wanted. I hoped. I prayed all of this was a dream. I knew deep down though, I wasn't that lucky.

* * * * *

I woke up the next morning with cold sweat soaking my warm body. My feet were stinging, the pain finally making me feel uncomfortable. I sat up slowly, stretching my joints, cramp setting in from the position I seemed to have fallen asleep in last night. Now that the music had stopped, I could hear voices out in the hall, and movement downstairs. I didn't want to leave my room, but I knew I had to. My throat was dry and raw, and I really needed a glass of water.

I looked around my room, seeing everything trashed and destroyed that reminded me of her. Jen. The thought of her. Last night playing over and over in my head. Although I hated her right now for leaving and telling me she didn't love me, I still loved her. That made me hate her more. Papers were everywhere, as were pictures and memories, strewn all over the floor with the glass and cds and my duvet. I examined my feet, red and blood stained with glass pieces lodged in some places. Fuck that was going to be hard to get out. Mom was definitely gunna force me to go to the doctors for it, and I didn't want to leave the house, let alone go back to yet another place that reminded me of her, and the sacrifices I made that night. I was prepared to die to save her.