Ethereal

Thirty five

Camila shifted uncomfortably on the couch she was sitting on. She sat next to Ally, but placed herself a good foot away from the shorter girl. Once this interview came out, she would surely get hate for this. For not wanting to sit so close to someone who hurt her feelings just the day before. There was just so many things that go on behind closed doors that the fans will never understand.

Camila hated the fact that fans always assumed she was leaving. They never hated on any of the other girls like they did her. Ally was just a ball of sunshine, Normani could do no wrong, Lauren was a cutie, and Dinah was the glue of the group. But Camila was just there. But that was in the fans eyes. That wasn't the truth.

If the fans knew what Camila was going through, she was sure they would keep their mouths shut about her leaving the group. Maybe if they knew she didn't physically have the energy to keep up with the other 4 girls. Maybe if they knew she was in the hospital, that's why she missed performances. That's why she missed interviews and appearances.

Sometimes Camila thought it would be better if she told the world about her eating disorder. But hell, even she was still in denial about it. She wanted to keep it a secret. Nobody needed to know. If more people knew, that meant more people cared. And Camila didn't want people to care.

Camila was zoned out, but she couldn't help it. She hasn't been herself in a while. She truly did believe that the hardest thing in life was not talking to someone you used to talk to everyday. She missed Lauren.

And to make everything worse, she woke up feeling like complete shit. Her stomach hurt and she's had a killer headache, she felt exhausted.

Camila stole quick and not so subtle glances at Lauren every once in a while. She couldn't get the green eyed girl out of her head. No matter how much Lauren hurt her. She would never stop thinking about her girlfriend.

Camila sat, unintentionally playing with her lips, while keeping her gaze in Lauren's direction. She was never subtle, never has been. She couldn't get herself to pay attention to anything but Lauren. She hadn't heard anything the interviewer has said in the past 20 minutes. And maybe it was rude, but she couldn't focus.

The small girl remembered feeling like this in interviews before her and Lauren started dating. The stolen glances, the lip biting, the random touching and holding hands. The way Lauren would look at Camila like she was the only girl in the world. The fans would go crazy and it would piss Lauren off.

The only reason "camren" ever bugged Lauren before the two girls starting dating was because she wasn't fully accepting of herself. Lauren hadn't come out as bisexual yet, so she pushed her feelings for Camila down. But they were definitely there. Hence why they've been together for almost four years.

Camila watched Lauren raise her hand slightly. She wanted to talk, but didn't want to interrupt the 3 other girls. Camila found it super endearing. How could she stay mad at that?

Even though it was only one day into their "break" Camila had already thought it through and decided it would be best if she forgave Lauren. She knew Lauren. She knew Lauren's heart. And even though Lauren is hot headed and yells sometimes, Camila loved the green eyed girl with all of her heart. Lauren's heart was pure and Camila knew she meant it when Lauren said she would never hurt her again.

However, Camila couldn't speak for Lauren. She couldn't tell if the older girl has forgiven herself. And Camila knew she was beating herself up for pushing her.