Histoires Courtes

Villainy 101

"I think you're underestimating just how important this is. It can't be done that way, Sir."

I had to repress his sigh once again.  My cronies weren't making it that easy for me, really. All of their plans were idiotic enough to get them all killed. Who even laughs in the most sinister way possible and make a long speech to bore your enemy out before killing them?

Being a logical villain is one hard thing to be. Goddamn expectations and stereotypes.

Book writers and film-makers have completely ruined our image. Yes, I'm evil, yes, I want to establish a kingdom with my rule, but who even thinks that we all look like black-clothes hooded figures who hate to show their faces and laugh cynically?

I'm a simple man with big dreams, which aren't exactly 'ethical', to say the least. I want control, total control. But not by acting like an uninformed brat who only knows how to talk elaborately? 

Oh, don't kid me.

But do my cronies seem to look through my viewpoint? No.

So here they are, telling me to straight up bombard our target's home.

Such intelligence, you're impressed too, right?

So the relation between my target and me, and our history is too long and too detailed to be discussed here, but to cut short a huge tale, we both were close, and she is the "innocent victim" for me, and I am the villain for her. Clichéd, you say?

Here's the thing: we're still close. 

Anyway, back to these useless cronies.  Massaging my head, I say "Just go, for now. Go back to work, and let me get back to the lab. Get me some pizza."

Here's the stuff. There are things I want to clarify and as I seem to have an audience, let me do it. While I wait for my pizza.

First up, The laughter. I think we all know which kind of laughter I'm talking about. That insane laughter. Why do you guys even think that we laugh like that?  Let me confess, we do not celebrate by laughing like that. Who does?

We smile, chuckle at the most. Not blow up into a a creepy laugh. Want to see us celebrate? Just wait till you see us with wine.

Second, we all wear black. Really? Black isn't even my favourite colour, it happens to be red. Black, oh the mighty black, colour of evil. Hipster kids stole that from the original bad guys.

Third, the villain explains and reveals the plan to the victim in detail. I feel like to bang my head against the wall. Why would you do that? why not just kill the victim and get done with it? They waste their precious time in carefully explain the plan crafted, and hence give the victim to think up a way to escape. Idiots. The victim isn't important enough to spend your time in that.

'Your pizza, Mark.'

I look behind to find my henchman, standing with a box of pizza and a bottle of wine. To update you, our plan's succeeded and now we're waiting for our victim to come.  See you all later, I have villainy to execute.

A/N: This was a fun, nonsensical little blab. Part 2 will come shortly. Comment and vote if you liked it. Add to your reading lists for updates.