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My Greatest Fear

Who are all of you? Did she just say that? Did she just pull her hands away from me? With those 5 words, my heart and my soul felt like it shattered into a million pieces of glass. I vaguely heard the girls audibly gasp behind me. Everything was spinning and I felt like all the air was just sucked out of my lungs. My greatest fear actually became a reality. Emily didn't recognize any of us. Emily didn't recognize me. I was a complete stranger to her. All we had been through together wasn't even etched in her memory.

The doctor and the girls ushered me out of the room and left Emily with her nurse. With consuming sadness, shock, and uncertainty, I said, "Doctor, tell me. Is this just temporary or will she never regain her memory?" He replied after a long thoughtful pause, "Ma'am, I can't give you an answer to that. It's simply too early to tell. But right now she needs rest and time to process what has happened. And as much as it pains me to say this, we're going to need you to go home for a couple of days until we can get her oriented, adjusted to a conscious state, physically healed, and aware of how she was admitted to the hospital. Especially given the traumatic nature of her injuries and how she acquired them. She can't be overly stimulated right now in her fragile state. I know that all you want her to do is help her regain her memory, and believe me, I want the same thing for all of you. But the fact of the matter is, she doesn't know who you are right now. That doesn't necessarily she won't in the future. Time is all we have and what we need". "But please, I can't just leave her all alone. We're all she has left in this world. She needs to know that she has a family and a home in all of us," I explained to him. With a nod of understanding he said, "Yes ma'am I know that. But my recommendations still remain. We will explain that you all are her friends and that you love her. You can call me anytime you want an update on her condition. But please. Give her space till she's able to go home."

Space. Time. Patience. These seemed like insurmountable requests from the doctor. But deep down, no matter how impossible it seemed, that was truly what Emily needed. With the help of the girls, we all went back to Spencer's barn and spent the night talking about what all this means and what we should do when she's better. There were lots of tears, albeit mostly from me, but tears nonetheless. In that moment, with all the girls around me, I made a new promise to Emily. I will never stop fighting to get us back to what we once were. We are worth the agony. She is worth it.