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So Much to Say

Emily's POV

I feel so bad for Alison. Clearly that was a very traumatizing nightmare. I don't know why, but I just couldn't help myself from jumping in and coming to her rescue so to speak. It almost felt like an automatic reaction within me. Even though I'm still confused about what the story is between us, I still feel something. It's happening fast too. I need to finish reading the journals. I'm so wide awake right now that I couldn't even sleep if I tried. Alison appears to be asleep now and is slowly drifting off my chest into a new position. I'll use this time while she's asleep to finish the journals.

As quietly as possible, I slipped out from under the covers, grabbed the box of journals, and went out into the living room to finish reading them. I open the book where I left off during senior year and begin to read a journal entry titled "Kisses". Beneath it read:

"Life was finally getting back to normal. Now, as I look back at the one thing that's been a constant on my life, I still have so many questions and conflicting feelings. Alison. The thing that has brought me so much joy and so much pain. I've known for awhile that I'm head over heals on love with her, but I just don't know how she feels. Sure, we've kissed before and she's seemed to enjoy it. Even welcome it. Sometimes I catch her staring at me when she thinks I'm not looking. She's always paid special attention to me, made me feel special, and even like she could even want to be more than just friends. But then she does things like reject me and tell me that she likes boys. She was only messing around and practicing with me. Those words cut through my heart with such veracity and the pain still feels like new when I think about it. When she does things like that, I pull away and don't talk to her or come anywhere near her. Instead, I throw myself into swim. I must get a scholarship if I want to eventually go for the Olympics. The scouts will be at my final  meet and may give me an offer depending on my performance. If I win and get offered a scholarship, I test out for the rest of my classes, get my diploma, move to said college, and immediately start training with them. In reality, I have no time to be thinking about anything but swim. Ugh but I still can't stop thinking about her. Since I've pulled away recently, I've noticed the other girls asking if I'm okay. They even tell me Alison is concerned. Little do they know the story between us. They tell me I should come back to hanging out with them, talking with them, etc. But I can't do it. She really hurt me this time. Maybe I should go for a light swim now. I need to clear my head a bit. The meet is tomorrow night.

So I'm back from my swim now and something happened. I was gliding through the water, just focusing on the motions and being in the moment. I got out and dried off. Still feeling the need to be alone with my thoughts, I decided to sit at the edge and dangle my legs over the edge into the water. It was completely silent until I heard, "I knew you'd be here" from a soft voice behind me. I spun around and saw it was Alison standing a few steps behind me. "Oh my God you scared the crap out of me Alison" I said almost angrily as I stood up and began to gather my things. "I'm sorry. Wait. Where are you going" she asked. "I'm want to talk to you. Why are you being so distant"? I stopped dead in my tracks. "Why am I being so distant? Really?? Alison. You know exactly why " I said angrily as I forced my way past her. "No. Wait. Em, I..." replied Alison as she quickly grabbed my arm and spun me back around facing her. I was shocked by what she just did so I stood their for a moment. But in that moment, she lunged at me and kissed me. With a lot of force and agression. She reached around and pulled my hips close to hers and continued to kiss me. I was so shocked but at the same time, I found myself giving in to the sensation and kisses her back. But then my mind kicked in and took control. Pushing away from her I yelled, "No! Stop Alison! You can't do that. Just because you feel like I'm not under your thumb like you like it, doesn't mean you can treat me like that. You don't get to toy with me like that".  I gave her the meanest glare I've ever given anyone in my life and then ran out the door. I didn't even have time to look at how she reacted. I was seeing red and could feel my heart racing from all the anger flowing through my body. She's just trying to get in my head to have me back under her spell. Well she can't do that anymore. I'm done. Once home, I flew myself onto my bed and cried myself to sleep".

I'm speechless right now. I'm having more questions than answers from reading this. I have to continue reading the next entry.

Today's the Day:
The swim meet is in less than an hour. My adrenaline is pumping and I feel prepared. I believe that I can win this. I believe that I can get a scholarship. Aria, Hanna, and Spencer have already been by to wish me good luck and that they will be cheering me on. They're so proud of me and I can feel all their love and support. But nothing from Alison. I'm not surprised though. I bet she's not used to being put in her place like that. I'm still so livid with her. Oh well. It's time to warm up. I hope the next entry I get to tell you about my win and my scholarship. I hope I get the one from California".

As I continue reading, I discover that I won the race. Not only did I win, but I won by a landslide. I even beat my personal best. The school that I wanted offered me a full ride and all moving expenses would be payed for. All I had to do was say yes. Collectively, my mom, dad, and I said yes! I'd be in California by next week. The moment seemed so special and that my parents were so proud of me. God I miss them. I wish they were here right now to help me through this vulnerable time in my life.

Reading further, I discovered that on the day that I left for California, Spencer, Hanna, and Aria came to my house to visit me, give me presents, and say goodbye. Of course they were sad to see me go, but they were so unbelievably proud of me. And with that, I left for California with the help of my parents. I never saw Alison. Never said goodbye or anything. I guess the girls hadn't seen or heard from her in days either. But in that moment, it seemed like I felt that it was okay. I needed a new fresh start from everyone and everything in Rosewood. This was my chance to rid my heart of Alison.