TEN
“He’s a tool.” My sister huffs over her scalding hot cup of black coffee in Costa. I nod slowly, unable to voice my own thoughts and tell that she’s right because I feel like I’d be betraying him. I don’t want that. I still love him.
Even after everything he’s put me through.
“Yeah.” I mumble, awkwardly looking down into my own hot chocolate. I always found the taste of coffee too bitter to be considered enjoyable. My sister narrows her eyes at me then sighs slowly, sympathy written all over her round face.
“Why did you forgive him?” I shrug, “he doesn’t deserve you. Why do you do it when all he does is keep hurting you? Time after time after time.”
I slowly look up, “I love him.” I say honestly. She adamantly shakes her head.
“No, you love the idea of him loving you. You don’t really love him; you can’t.” she exclaims and I roll my eyes.
“You’re not me, you don’t know how I feel.” I protest, defending myself. I hated when people doubted me.
“He’s getting married, I think it’s time to grow up or just let go.”
“It’s not that easy.” I mumble, my foot nervously tapping against the floor.
“Yes it is. All you have to do is tell him to fuck off, then leave, cut off all contact with him and then BOOM… You’ll forget why he was ever so important. And even that seems a little drastic to me.”
“I can’t do that. I try to… you saw me last year. I tried to forget him but he seemed to be everywhere. I just couldn’t get him out of my mind. I love him.” She sighs heavily again, frowning at me.
“You can’t love someone who takes you for granted and doesn’t care about your feelings. You can’t love someone who does things purely for himself and never cares to think how it’s affecting you. You can’t love someone who treats you like you’re shit. That’s not love. You don’t know the meaning of the word.”
“I know.” I slouch back in my chair and bite my lip, feeling tears threatening to spill. It was true; her words… but I just didn’t want to admit it. The truth was too hard to face. But I definitely had feelings for him- strong ones- it was just hard to understand what was going on.
One thing was for sure: Judy didn’t deserve him.
“Listen, I know it hurts but although he’s a decent kid, he needs to get his head sorted. But he doesn’t deserve you. You’re so much better than that.”
“What should I do?” my voice cracks and I wince at how broken it sounds. He hand encases my own across the table.
“I think… I think that he should know how you feel. And if he doesn’t reciprocate those feelings then you know it isn’t meant to be. You can’t force these things.” A small pitying smile tugs at the corner of her lips.
“Then what?”
“Then…” she ponders for a while, “then I think you should leave. Get out of town. Focus on yourself and not on everyone else. Maybe take up drawing again?” I smile, maybe that would be a good idea. I haven’t thought about myself in so long… and I do miss drawing. Although I loved studying psychology at University, drawing had always been my hobby until I didn’t have time for it anymore.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
*****
YOU ARE READING
How Long Will I Love You
Romance~ in which she never stops loving him and wonders when she will ~ Based on the song by Ellie Goulding.
