Mixed Thoughts

Today

Today I am a wreck

I'm a blistered body, beaten and bloodied and left behind.

I am silent, the words stitched tight in my brain,

their silent pleas seen in the tears from their eyes, yet bound to stay quiet.

For every time I try to speak, nothing comes out.

I am stuttering, and the lies pour out like honey,

for I really am fine. I'm just broken.

Just broken, not depressed.

There's a difference.

A lot of things happen to me, happen around me, waves crash back and forth,

but I never drown. I stand still, as the world crumbles to my feet.

I remain standing, but it is not strength, it is coldness,

for fear and uncertainty have frozen me in place, an icicle in a mound of lava,

forever in  my wake.

Today, I am miserable,

but I won't say a word because when I speak,

you find a reason to shut me out, shut me away, to leave me behind.

And for the record, and for all this,

Today, I'm sorry for being a waste of your time.