Mixed Thoughts

Untitled

One spark is said to take all control over one's emotions

But I didn't feel a spark

I felt numb, not numb, but unable to feel such a feeling

And it has me questioning the world around me

One touch is all it takes to send a heart flying but

If that is so I wonder where my heart is

Is it cowering in the corners tending it's old wounds

Or is it still trying to heal from the fresh one unearthed when I

Opened my eyes

But they're still closed, my heart still beats but it is a sad thud of nature

And the leaves fall but I never seem to hit the ground

I am tied to a carnival ride but it's tilting to the side

And nothing I do seems to balance things out and it terrifies me

Is it your fault or is it mine? Or are pills the villain

They get cozy cuddling up in my throat , make words hard to swallow

No amount of holy water could even make these demons flicker

So I watch as the lights blind me with their buzzing death

I can walk I can breathe but I can't run from this feeling

It haunts me with all I feel I will never know

I can run away from these pills but they notice my mood kills

And they strap me down and shove the reality down my throat again

And I swallow as I hold back the tears so I don't swallow them both

For it is a dangerous mix , and nearly a hoax

I can smile but it is so feral and you all run away when I snap

But you don't understand oh no you will NEVER understand

That I stutter online just as much as in the world

And I misspell the words because my mind is unclear

It's a fog I find comfort in the air but not inside me

A hollow sheathe of ecstasy , a drug I tend to breathe

But I can't breathe...