Mixed Thoughts

Playground (Part One)

Back and Forth Back and Forth

The creak of the swings going back and forth

A mirror of my thoughts that refuse to show themselves

Hiding behind the many hiding places in my brain

The azure water I dwell inside , growing weeds in the sand

See-Saws slamming in the dirt due to the weight, the pain,

each mood swing more deadly than the last

Each mood more disastrous than the last

Sand, seeping through my fingers,

Things lost, forgotten, and abandoned

and all the while I am watching, glassy eyed and numb

from a distance, watching my many personalities

play on this potent playground, my brain,

for this is who I am, I believe.

Little hands slipping from the monkey bars,

reminding me of how I lost grip over this,

deep in the sand, lost, forgotten, abandoned

Things I keep hidden, a mind I can't escape,

my thoughts are playing hide and seek with me

and that hurt little whisper, a ghost in my shell,

sighing and telling me that this is BPD

and this is how I will always be