Mixed Thoughts

Hurting Self-Absorbed

Pain So much pain I don't know what to do it hurts it hurts it hurts so bad I want to die but I cant I'm too afraid and its taking control of me and I don't know where to go but I don't want to be here. I want to be okay again, but I can't, I never can, because I don't want to but I  want to and I'm so confused and I want to die but I can't because I'm so afraid and there's so many things I want to say to your face but your face is not there when I need it most and it never will be again You're gone and it hurts and you were always there for me but not anymore because I made a mistake and I lost you and I guess I deserve this but it hurts it hurts it hurts so bad I just want to be okay again but I know I cant I fight my own sins and I turn out bad I wan't to be sane but you know I can't. I can't I can't I can't control myself All I want is for you to look at me and free me from this living hell your words gave me life but you haven't spoken to me in such a long long time and I want to cry but to cry would mean giving up on life. So I cry and I cry but the tears run dry for I can't find my soul and you were all that made me whole and it hurts and it hurts but the pain only gets worse and I don't want to talk to you but I need you and I know you'll never read this but I see you and I see your smile and I notice how it hasn't been there in a while is it all my fault? Why did you not tell me what I did. If you talk to her then where the hell have you been. The pain is ripping me apart and sometimes I hate the fact that there was always three keys to my heart and I fall and I fall and I fall apart. Through the ocean I wade but I'm lost and destined to never see the life again. I don't know what to say I don't know what to do but I am not allowed to even come up and say that I'm sorry to you I'm sorry for all that I did and  I'm sorry for the invisible scars on your wrist. And oh god oh god I'm sorry for everything so when you get down on one knee and offer her the ring please talk to me one last time before you turn tail and continue on with your life. It hurts to see you it hurts to love you it hurts to know that that lying little bitch still talks to you. Mistakes Mistakes another one with every step I take but I wonder if you're the only reason i never ran away. The key the key you still have the key but you never understood just how much you fucking meant to me