Feelings Awry(A Liam Payne novel)

Chapter 19

Wow guys... Chapter nineteen. I have butterflies in my stomach... Read my end note once your done with the chapter, it'll be pretty important.

My phone was on the shelf next to my bunk on the bus. Its on the outside of it so if I had to grab it I would have to put effort into that and I'm half asleep, effort is not an option right now. There was a storm of sorts happening right now so the bus driver had pulled over, he'd told us to go sleep or something while we waited for it to calm down. Sadly Eleanor and Louis had stayed up in the front. Can I just say that they don't know how to bite down their moans?

Its been three weeks or so now since Liam and Danielle got back together, he still hasn't come up with that answer, but at least he doesn't have to say it as Dani had asked him to wait a while before saying the words again. In this time Julia has visited, and to give me a little less stress, she took Marbles from me to take care of him. As sad as that day had been, I knew it was best for him... And my sides.

Guess where the lucky girl is moving? Australia. To say I was jealous is an understatement.

My phone started quietly playing the tone I had set for unknown callers. If You Can't Hang by Sleeping With Sirens. Hey, don't judge, I love all music. Almost all.

"What the hell do you want?" I questioned the mystery caller.

"You." The distorted raspy voices of my parents bluntly state.

"Well you can't have me. I am done with you." I try not to talk to loudly. I knew that Zayn and Niall were asleep, Harry and Liam I'm not so sure, and I don't want anyone to know about this.

"But Anya, we love you." My mom's voice comes clearly now.

"If you loved me. You wouldn't have abused me for all but the first four years of my life."My voice was cold, icicles ready to drop through my parents money.

"Abuse you? We never did that." My Dad was drunk, I could hear that much in his voice.

"Oh yes you did. And how did you get my new number?"

They avoid the question, saying together, "We will find you."

It scared me, willing me to scream in helplessness. But I held everything in but silent tears that ran aimlessly without control down my face. The phone slowly lowers from my ear, and I slip out of my bunk, quietly setting it down on my shelf.

I creep into the bathroom at the back of the bus, tryimg to be quieter than a piece of dust floating from the window to the floor. My hand blindly searches the underside of the sink, finding the blade taped to the bottom by Liam that I'd never bothered to remove.

I flip it out of the holding thing, smiling in a twisted way at the steel sharp edge. It felt so foreign yet familiar in my hands, and I examined it slowly with a wider smile than Jeff The Killer from creepy pasta. I inched Liam's blade to the skin of my inner forearm, welcoming the burn of cold metal inside warm scar covered skin.

I glide it along slowly, allowing it to be two inches long. Then I did it again, a feeling of contempt washing over me when I looked down at the seven cuts now freah on my arm. It felt nice, and normal. Three more. Blood dripped achingly slow across my arm. Another three.

I should stop, I know that I should, but I don't want to.

The tip of Liam's blade begins yet another slice, it didn't break skin at the sound of the door opening.

"Anya!" Liam's voice shrieks. His blade is ripped from my hand, and I hear it snap shut. He grips my good arm, spinning me to face him.

Liam's hands wipe the tears from my cheeks. "What's wrong Baby Bird?" He asks, a nickname he has developed for me thanks to my twitter coming up. Liam knows I hat it.

"My name isn't Baby Bird Liam. And I won't tell you. I can't have you upset and or telling Paul." My voice is shaky, weaker than before.

"Tell me." Liam's aggressive.

"No."

"Anya, tell me right fucking now why you just cut your arm deeply thirteen god damned times!" He explodes, making me flinch.

"They aren't deep."I quip at him, looking dazedly down at my arm. There was a bit more blood gushing than there normally was, but I'm pretty sure that's because there's more than I would normally do.

At that moment I push past Liam, only to walk into a wall of the other residing people on the bus. Zayn and Harry step forward first. Followed by Liam behind me. Harry grabs onto my waist, holding me against his chest so that I couldn't even squirm. Zayn grabs my wrist, flipping it upwards so my beautifully blood soaked arm was visible. Looking down I saw many drops of splattered blood.

Then Liam walks aroumd so he was in front of me again. He has a wet cloth in his hands. He's dead quiet as he places it on my arm, being very careful cleaning each cut and the area around them.

Eleanor looks light headed when I look up and make eye contact with her, cowering in the arms of Louis while he watches on, concern the only emotion etched into his face. The bus driver looks scornful, Carl looks like he's remembering the first day he'd seen my scared body. Paul just looks disappointed, watching Liam's movements.

Paul looks up, so I mouth "I'm sorry," his way. His head shakes, disappointment and saddness clear in his eyes. Extra pressure is forced on my cuts and I wince, trying to pull my arm away.

"No you don't." Zayn's voice was eerily calm, making me shiver. Sighing, I go limp against Harry, softening the tensness of my arm in Zayn's grasp, and sink my teeth into my lip to tolerate the sting of Liam's cloth.

"What did you put on that cloth anyway? It feels like lemons or something!" I bite at him.

"Its iodine. We had no saline left so this is what you get missy." He's being so nonchalant, ass wipe. "Heard that."

Ugh. "Can I please just deal with it on my own?" I grumble.

"No." Everyone says.

"We're headed to the closest hospital." Louis informs me.

"What if I refuse to go? You can't force me."

"Yes. We can." Louis, Paul and Liam monotone together.

As the iodine in Liam's cloth works its way through my cuts, I stare begrudgingly at the ground, swallowing each agonized scream that wanted to leave my mouth. In the edge of my vision, I notice the bus driver walking back to his seat, where he turned on the bus and drove off. I guess in the nearest hospital.

"Can't we just call it clean now?" I ask him, leveling my voice as best I could.

In response, he presses down harder on one of the deeper ones, I think one of the last I'd done. I flinch, but Zayn tightens his grip.

"Okay. Stop. Its done." I rip my arm from Zayn's hand and away from Liam's reach. Thankfully, Harry was nice and let go of me. I storm away to my bunk, sitting down in hopes that they wouldn't come up to me.

They should know by now I won't accept their help. They should know by now I can take care of myself. And yet, for the second time in One Directions presence, I passed out.

Okay so, this isn't that important but... six chapters and an epilogue left!