The One Who Healed My Scars

Moments

**Listen to this while you read. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1fn6lJHHSo

As Ashton drove down the road I clicked the radio on. I turned it to a country music station and was very pleased when Hunter Hayes filled my ears. I turned it up loudly. Since Shianne insisted on driving the boys home, I didn’t have to worry about how loud it was. When I realized Ashton was singing along I turned the music down so I could hear him over the music. Don’t get me wrong, Hunter Hayes has an amazing voice but nothing compares to my Ashton. Ashton soon realized what I was doing and intertwined our fingers. He began to sing to me.

He suddenly stopped singing and pulled over to the edge of the road. He took off his seatbelt and faced me. I mimicked his action and waited for him to say something. “I meant what I wrote out on the sidewalk.” He said, his tone becoming much more serious. “I did too.” I smiled at him. He smiled for a few seconds but it soon faded back to his serious face. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You’re my best friend. The one I count on.” He picked up my hands and continued. “You’re my everything.” My heart rate accelerated. There were no words to explain how I felt, so I just smashed my lips onto his.

I didn’t break the kiss, I couldn’t. In this moment, I was so in love. I couldn’t even control my own actions. I was as close to Ashton as I physically could be, yet it still wasn’t enough. I felt like I had to be even closer, yet it wasn’t possible. I finally found the strength to break the kiss. “I love you.” I said looking into his bright green eyes. “I love you too.” He said, not breaking eye contact. I smiled and kissed him one more time before he pulled out onto the road. He turned up the radio slightly and pulled onto the main street. Ashton began singing along to the radio, trying to sound bad, yet to me it was still beautiful.

When I turned to smile at Ashton being his dorky self, I felt a bright light start to hurt my eyesight so I looked past Ashton to see two bright headlights coming closer and closer. I screamed and Ashton looked to the left, but it was too late. Within seconds, I felt the car flip over multiple times, hitting my head hard, literally, every five seconds, before the car landed on the tires again. I banged my head on the roof of the car one last time, even harder than before, and stated becoming very sleepy. I looked over at Ashton to see blood trickling down the side of his face and his body completely motionless. “Ashton.” I said the best I could, but I was too weak. I immediately started crying. “Ashton.” I sobbed. “Ashton!” I screamed, wanting to hear any sound come from Ashton but sadly, nothing did. “Ashton, I love you.” I sobbed before my vision became blurry and the pounding in my head grew. My vision and hearing began fading in and out. Before I knew it, I was pulled out of the car and laid on a foam surface, a stretcher I think.

I wasn’t conscious, but I could feel that I was in a car. I immediately remembered Ashton and woke myself up. I looked around the best I could. There was an IV in my arm, and rips all over my clothes, along with a significant amount of blood. I looked to the right of me and saw Ashton’s body. There were two paramedics hovering over him. One doctor was holding manual defibrillator paddles and yelling “Clear.” Then violently shocking my boyfriend’s body. Ashton’s body would jump up but fall back down with no change in motion. “Ashton.” I said beginning to cry once again. The car came to a halt and I heard people screaming things like. “Get him inside! Move!” I was beyond terrified but when I heard someone shout, “We’re loosing him! Go!” I lost it. I began to sob. I used all the strength I had to get up, pull the IV out of my arm, and run, well limp, to Ashton. His perfect face was covered in blood and bruises. “Ashton!” I sobbed. He didn’t move. I started to pick up speed to catch up with the paramedics, only to be pulled back onto a gurney. I was too weak to fight against it so I was forced to lay back and sob knowing my boyfriend was dying just feet away from me and I could do nothing about it.

Ashton and I were wheeled into the same room and placed on separate beds. I watched as they tried shocking Ashton’s body back to life again but every attempt failed. The doctor tried hooking Ashton up to a heart monitor but it automatically made a long beeping noise instead of separate ones. “No, no.” I sobbed to myself in the bed. The doctor tried shocking him again and the sound of Ashton’s heart rate filled my ears. Relief washed over me, only to be shot down once again. The heart monitor stopped beeping at a normal pace and just became one long beep again. “No!” I screamed, sobbing and ran to Ashton’s bedside. "You’re not dead. Babe, wake up. You’re not dead! Wake up!” I screamed, not wanting to accept the fact that he was slipping right out of my fingers. I couldn’t stop the tears that were flowing endlessly from my eyes. “He’s not dead.” I cried, shaking my head. “I’m sorry.” All the doctors a nurses told me. The nurse easily moved me back to the bed, due to the fact that all my strength went into crying right now.

I didn’t want to cry. I hate crying, but Ashton was a gift that God sent me, and now God wants his gift back. I wasn’t ready to give him back. I thought about all the memories I had with Ashton. The day we met, when he brought me to the abandoned building. Our abandoned building. When he first met Conner and Hayden. When he first held my hand, and I got butterflies. When he first kissed me, and I felt sparks. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, and my heart rate accelerated so fast that I thought I might be having a heart attack. Christmas. I looked down at my wrist and read the word ‘Stay’ that was written on my bracelet. And today, the first time we exchanged I love you‘s.

I will never remove the thought of Ashton from my life. He will always be the most important person in my life. I sobbed knowing this would be my last memory with Ashton. I got up and slowly approached Ashton. The nurses and doctors let me be. I starred at his face and lightly caressed it as if I could hurt him, although I knew I couldn’t. ‘Ashton’s in heaven.’ I thought to myself. ‘He doesn’t have to feel pain anymore.’ I ran my hands through his hair one last time. I kissed his cheek one last time. I held his hand one last time. I said I love you one last time. I softly kissed his lips one last time.

I began to wipe a tear that had fallen onto his bruised face from my eyes. As I wiped the tear I thought of how Ashton was in a better place, and how he could watch over me in heaven, just like he did before he slipped away from me. The best thing that ever happened to me just got ripped out of my life right before my eyes, but I couldn’t ask for anyone better to have had in my life, even if it was for a short period of time. I thank God for the moments I have had with Ashton. As I was about to go sob in the hospital bed, Ashton’s eyes shot open and he began to breath heavily.

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