Little Secrets

chapter 4

I arrive at the boys concert and find my way backstage. No ones around so I find Zayns dressing room and get out my phone. I go onto twitter and see more and more hate.

Fat slut. Harry's mine bitch.

"What you doing?" I turn around to see Louis. He grabs my phone and his smile shortly turns into a frown. 

"Is this hate? Wait till I reply to these people" He starts.

"Louis you won't" I snatch the phone back from him. 

"LOUIS" I hear someone call. He gives me a concerned glare then runs onto stage. I decide this is pretty much me now and head back to the hotel.  

***

"Wake up Rose!" I hear Zayn. I smile and sit up.

"We just got here are we leaving already?" I ask whilst yawning.

"That's life on the road." He says and walks into the bathroom. I pack my clothes and change into some jeans and a baggy top. 

Zayn and I go down to get breakfast and I remember all the comments about me being fat from twitter last night and I look down. I guess my stomach does stick out a little and I don't have a thigh gap. I'm fat they're right. I take a spoonful of melon and drop it in a bowl. I walk over to the table where all the boys are.

"Is that all?" Niall takes a look at my bowl than his mountain of food.

"Rose here" Zayn hands me a muffin.

"I'm not hungry" I decline. Harry gives me a glare. I swirl the melon around in bowl.

"Rose tell me what's up please I'm worried you've done this.." Zayn starts. 

"No Zayn I'll tell you when I'm ready." I take a bite of my melon "Happy?" I say and stand up. 

I walk onto the tour bus and climb up onto the highest of the bunk beds. I close the curtain and pull out my phone. My twitter is filled with hate.

Stop giving Rose hate it's not her fault she's fat

Keep you horny hands off my Louis Rose 

I feel my eyes well up and I turn around and try to sleep.

I hear the boys get on the bus around ten minutes later. I'm about to go down but I hear them talking.

"Where could she be?" Zayn says "We've already checked all our rooms. I'll check the hotel store"

"What's up with Rose? Do any of you know?" I hear Harry. No reply.

"Louis?" Harry says again.

"Her twitter." Louis says slowly. I feel shame now they'll all know what their fans have said is this good or bad? 

"Oh My God" Niall says. I feel my stomach flutter.

"She's not fat, this fucking bitch on here! Rose is beautiful" I hear Harry say. I have a confidence boost and I pull myself down from the bed. They don't notice so I walk further down the bus. 

"Zayn?" I call knowing he isn't here.

"Rose!" Harry quickly shuts his phone.

"Hi guys" I say and walk forward. Liam gives me a concerened look.

"I'll tell Zayn Louis walks off the bus." I sit next to Harry on the couch.

Louis and Zayn arrive quickly.

"Don't run off again Rose!" Zayn calls and I roll my eyes. They sit down and I debate wheter telling them about twitter or not.

"I know you've seen my twitter." I say and sigh.

"It's not true you have lovely curves." Liam says and smiles.

"Bad choice of words Liam." I see his fake smile drop "I know I'm fat. So the fans are just saying the truth." 

"They are not. Rose you aren't fat." Zayn says not lifting his face.

"I AM DON'T DENY IT!" I cry and run off to the other end of the bus.

For a few minutes no one comes. Then I see Harry walk through the door.

"Rose you aren't fat. You are perfect why can't you see that!? Everyone else can! Thos girls are just jealous!" He says passionately. 

"Hmm" I say as he sits next to me.

"Zayn told us that you were depressed and that you you c c cut.." Harry mumbles.

"Cut myslef? Yeah." I say finishing for him. There's no point hiding it now thanks to Zayn. I thought at least around one direction I could be normal.

"Do you still?" Harry looks at my wrists.

"No but you're looking in the wrong place anyway."I half smile. I pull down the top of my leggings to show my hips. There is a perfect line along the left hip. Harry runs his finger along it. The scars still have to fade. 

"Rose" His face is shocked.