Deceiving Dexter

Chapter Seventeen - Kitten No More

Natalia’s POV

I kept my eyes closed in those few minutes, just wanting this one moment to continue on for a colossal amount of time, yet I knew that it would only be for a few moments, a part of a scarcely remembered memory of a time with him, of all moments that sourced as much comfort and safety as these.

I knew that after all was said and done, these few moments I had captured with him, where I was vulnerable and yet safe and loved, would be just memories. Just images to conjure in my fragile and broken mind in times of misery and hopelessness, yet they would be more inclined to fuel my misery than to assist me in overcoming it. Therefore they would become memories best forgotten, but lived in and cherished now, as they were precious and sporadic in a life such as mine.

So that is why I hugged tighter to his chest and squeezed my eyes shut, even though there was a party going on around us, and he was probably wondering how much pot I had smoked this morning to create such mood swings in my otherwise perfect facade of his impeccable girlfriend.

The moment ceased suddenly and un-expectantly when a soft female voice entered my ear, and an unwanted cup was forced into my palm.

‘Uh, I brought you some water.’

I took a breath, re-established my poker face and opened my eyes to the reality I was about to face.

I looked at the girl who I knew to be Molly, yet there was only kindness and slight worry glistening in her eyes, not the accusations and confusion I was expecting.

The girl seemed unaware who I was, and I couldn’t help but stare at her, bewilderedly. She didn’t recognise me.

‘Are you feeling alright?’ She asked me, the worry in her features growing by the second at my absolute silence.

I nodded my head, not trusting my voice enough to speak as I took a swig of the liquid, watching as she seemed to relax slightly next to me. Her hands, now absent of the cup, were anxious to be doing something, as they were fiddling around in her lap nervously and she looked between Dexter and I.

Dexter’s voice entered my ear from my other side, his comforting arms tightening protectively around me for an instant as he spoke softly, like his words could break me, ‘Are you feeling ok now? Is there anything I can get you?’

‘I’m fine,’ I spoke, the intended confidence was nowhere to be found in my shaky voice, but I continued onward regardless, ‘Can we go home please?’

He nodded and thanked Molly before taking my hand cautiously and leading me slowly through the house. We passed many people as we went, most of their looks screamed sympathy and kindness, while others were quite the contrary to the those others, suspicion and curiosity leaking from their expressions.

I kept my head down, tucking blonde curls behind my ear silently as I followed him, our linked hands tethering me to reality. The soft warm fingers cradling mine allowing me to not get lost in my own head, and so I pushed back those dark thoughts to focus on the warmness of his hand and the security the one little piece of contact offered me. 

We reached the car in total silence, and I desperately rummaged through my mind, looking for a reasonable grounds for my sudden outburst. I found nothing, so I kept my lips pressed together, looking out the window as he drove us.

I wasn’t aware of my shaking hands until we stopped at the lights and his hand gently covered mine. His hand was steady and warm, whereas mine under his was cold and shaky. I turned my hand over to grasp his, wrapping my fingers around his palm.

His hand stayed there all the way home and before I knew it we had arrived at my apartment, the old building right before us, the venue for the dreaded talk I knew I was about to have with Dexter.