❤Gwen's Bio❤

kms 👌

I can't even

(Trigger warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts/actions and self harm)

Pleeeeeaaasseee

Again
Don't read this if you are triggered by any of this

I don't want anyone hurting themselves

And I know, I'm a huge fucking hypocrite

But idk

BTW, this isn't just because of my gf. I've been through breakups before and I know how to deal with stuff like that.

I haven't been honest with this rant/journal thing

I have an eating disorder.

I've tried to kill myself

And it just fucking sucks

Because I have friends on Wattpad

And when I write something on here and they ask me about it its just awkward

Its so much easier to write to strangers than it is to physically talk to someone you've known

I don't know why I'm like this

I don't know if I'll ever change

All I ever wanted was to be beautiful

Now look at me.

I have scars on my body

I cut my hair after it was so fucking long

My thighs are fuvking huge I literally can't even wraps my hands around them

I've bitten my fingernails down to the nub

I've made myself throw up so much to the point where my throat feels like Satan's asshole and pure acid

I just hate my body

And I hate myself

Its times like this where I wish I could just die
Its times like this where I wish I could disappear

What have I done to myself? I can't even fucking remember what my body used to look like.

I started keeping a food journal for no reason whatsoever.

Today (2.7.17)

Gum ( 3 sticks) 15 cal.
Cheerios (1/2 cup) 50 cal.
Potato chips (3 cups) 320 cal.
Celery (2 sticks) 10 cal.

It honestly helps and doesn't at the same time.

Cause on one hand, it helps me keep track of my calorie intake. Like, okay, I've think I've had enough for today, I'll just drink water.

But on the other hand its like

Oh my actual fuck?! You had three cups of chips you fucking fatass!! That's 320 calories!!!!! You better fucking purge tonight you fucking whale!

And I'm just internally screaming.

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

I just don't fucking want to live anymore.

What's the point of being skinny if I'm going to kill myself?

Maybe God does exist.
Maybe I'll finally see my mom again.
Maybe in Heaven you have the ideal body and everyone is happy.

Fuck

I can't do this

I just can't

I want to fucking die

What even

I just

Don't

UzggghhHHHHhh

I fuvking hate myself and I wish I was dead

Nothing is okay anymore

I just want to be happy again.