“there is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
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-Chapter Seven-
It's been two weeks since Zayn and I argued. Zayn bought me my own apartment, four spaces down from his. Turns out the cabin is a cabin his family used to go to for vacations. The apartment is small and cozy, a one bedroom is really all I need and I have everything a normal house would have here. Zayn has the spare key, and no matter how hard I tried to make him stop, he wouldn't leave me alone for more than an hour. So, everytime I hear the knob jiggle I expect to see a very calm Zayn walk in locking eyes with me, and turning away to his while locking the door. I don't do much, I've spent most of my time staring at the old diary that I kept and realize I could rediscover the old me.
The old me is in there. I think, but my fingers never find its way to the pages. As much as I want to know the old Avery, and as much as I want to strain memories at the surface of my brain, I can't do it. I can't keep grieving over not knowing myself, I have to learn myself. I have to start over, this is what most people want, so this is a gift.
"This has to be a gift," I state while clenching the brown, leather diary that has Ave's Journal;) faintly written across the top of it. What happens when I move on? What if Zayn doesn't like the new Avery and I have to live alone? What will happen when I find totally new interests and my old hobbies burn away like leaves in a fire?
Zayn doesn't like Avery, the person who is so stuck in the past, even when she doesn't know the past, but mourns over not knowing. He doesn't like the scared, helpful Avery. He likes Ave, his bestfriend since the age of nine, who loved the stars. The girl who went on adventures with him.
The girl who fell off a cliff and would have died if it wasn't for him.
"And then, you fell," Zayn smiled like an innocent child, his teeth perfectly in line.
He caught me, and I wander if he could only catch me one more time. I have to know, I have to find her, know her, feel her skin morph into mine again.
I open the cover and find a warning printed on it.
уσυ нανє ησ яιgнт тσ яєα∂ тнιѕ, ρℓєαѕє ∂ση'т cσηтιηυє. ιƒ уσυ ∂σ, уσυ'ℓℓ нανє тσ ℓινє ωιтн тнє мємσяу тнαт уσυ ιηνα∂є∂ ѕσмєσηє'ѕ ѕєяισυѕ ρяιναcу. ;)
I smile and read the next page.
January 8th 2005
Mom and Dad:
I met a sweet boy today that goes by the name Zayn. I showed him the spot you guys always sat at. I don't know why, but when I saw him, I instantly trusted him. I hope you're not mad, I love you.
Stay alive in the stars, mama and daddy.
-Avery
I skip a few pages and hesitate to read the words.
March 19, 2012
Mom and Dad:
Today Farra and I volunteered at White umbrella and Zayn Came along for the first time. It was amazing, and the kids are adorable and a joy to play with. I wish they had hope, some of them are still damaged from the sex trades, and I get that. I mean how are you supposed to recover from something like that? Zayn was cute with the children, I even think one 10 year old girl with Carmel, long hair even fell in love with him. He kept calling her princess and I thought I saw something spark in her eyes. Her name was beautiful, but I can't barley remember it, Egypt something. That ten year old is officially my new role model.
I love you, mom and dad. Stay lost in the stars.
-Avery♡
I shut the journal as fast as I can and find myself running to Zayn's door.
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"Let's go to White Umbrella. Now," I demand, still remaining outside of Zayn's door. My voice becomes more demanding everytime he shakes his head, and I honestly don't care if I have to drag him there.
"So no hello?" a smirk plasters on his face and I'm tempted not to return it. He slides his hands into his front pockets and leans against his now shut door.
"Hello, Zayn, let's go to White Umbrella," I spoke quickly and pull my hair up into a ponytail. my eyes remain on his as I twist my fingers around the elastic. He looks amused, but says nothing for a good solid minute.
"Fine," he breathed. "Go get some clothes on and I'll call them. I'll be over there in an hour. He enters his apartment, leaving his door open.
"Zayn!" I yell, my voice bouncing back to me. He stops and turns right before he reaches his kitchen. "Can you help me with my hair?" I fiddle with my fingers in nervousness as silence wraps around me.
I'm drowning.
"Come here," he says and I walk silently into his warm apartment. He wraps his arms around me, smothering me in his chest. I smell a hint of mint and spice taking over my senses, and I smile.
"I never ment to snap like that," he whispers against my ear. "I promise."
"Zayn?" I muffled into his shirt, smelling the sweet smell of strawberries knitted into his shirt. I squeeze tighter when he doesn't answer and start rocking side to side with him. I love how he can make me feel safe, even though we haven't talked in a week. Water drips on my head and I snap my head up like stingy were attached,"Zayn? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, Ave. I'm fine," He smiled down at me with water reflecting in his eyes. I return the smile and wince as he touches the back of my head. "I'm sorry."
"Zayn, am I going to die?" my voice cracks like the sound of a pencil and Zayn squeezes me harder around his arms. He's not ready to let go, and to be honest, I'm not going to ever be ready to let go. I claw his back, struggling for a closer, but closer doesn't exist. All of the air between us disappears.
"I won't allow it, Ave," he whispers against my ear causing goosebumps to form. Lately, I've been looking sleepy, wondering what would happen next, anxious of the future. I want comfort, I need it, I thirst for it, "Not for one second, okay? I'm not letting you go again."
Zayn carried me out of his apartment, me thrown over his shoulder, and put me in my apartment. He didn't take one step in, making me slightly uncomfortable about his absence. "Why are you just standing there?"
"Well, you have to get ready," he stated, his breath like a heater against my skin.
"There is a door to my room, Zayn," I laughed while looking down at the carpet floor. Nevrveousness isn't even an option for me anymore, its a way of living. I don't like it, not one bit.
So, I breathe in the warm air that spreads my lungs apart and sets me free, and kissed Zayn myself. It was delicate, as any kiss would be at first. He wrappped his arms around my lower back, pulling me as close as possible. I breathed his minty breath, and never hesitated, or even think of what I am. And for the very first time, I felt Ave touch my skin, blending in with the wind as if to say "I'm back."
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-Author's note-
well hello hello c: I really like this chapter, and I have no clue why. I hope you guys liked it as much as I did.x
It was a slow update, i rewrote it 3 times, not kidding, because I wanted it to be perfect (its still not perfect, but oh well)
i have no clue when the next update will be, but I'll try to make it soon c: I love you guys so much.x
Stars can't shine without darkness.
xTiff;)
YOU ARE READING
Stars (Zayn AU)
Hayran Kurgu"The stars get angry at us, just like any other human being would if we ignored their shouts. They shout for love, but not to be loved, no. But for someone else to be loved. Did you know that?"
