r.a.b times (joshler)

chapter 7

I only spent a few minutes hugging Josh. I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. I tried to pull away but his tight grip around me pulled me back. After a tight hug, he moved his arms back down to his lap. I didn't want to tell him anything. He would find my problems stupid just like everyone else. He wouldn't care. Why should he? He doesn't even know me.

I couldn't look at him. It was too embarrassing. I was an emotional mess with a tear stained face. I could feel his eyes examining me, trying to understand what has caused me so much pain. I typically tried not to cry in front of people to save myself from the judgmental comments. This was much worse.

"Tyler?" I heard from beside me. My heart sank at the sound of my name. "We might still technically be strangers, but you can talk to me. I promise that I won't judge you or anything." I shook my head. I couldn't no matter how nice he seemed. There was so much that has put me into my current mental state that not even one person knows everything. My band breaking up was just what set me off yesterday. Now it is just another thing that I've added to my list of reasons why I shouldn't be alive.

A long silence passed until Josh decided to speak. "How about we go down to the music store? Maybe going outside will help calm you down a bit. We could go get Taco Bell afterwards too." He sounded excited as he mentioned Taco Bell. I had no motivation to move but I didn't want to hold Josh back from doing things.

I nodded and looked at him with a more enthusiastic expression. His frown from before turned to a smile.

"Ok, lets go get some clothes." He grabbed my hand pulled me up from the couch with him. I followed him down to his bedroom. He opened up his dresser and pulled two pairs of jeans out. I was surprised to see how many pairs he had. I typically wore the same pair until they ripped.

"Thanks." I said quietly as he awkwardly handed me a pair.

"Yeh no problem." He said while taking off his pajama bottoms and slipping into his jeans. I looked away, heat rising to my face. I forgot that some people were comfortable changing around others. I was not that person. I was too insecure about my body to even change my shirt in front of someone. I looked back over to see that he was fully dressed in black jeans and a red shirt.

"I'm going to go put my drum into the car, but I'll be back in a few minutes."

I nodded and with that he closed the door so I could change. The jeans also looked too big for me but luckily I had a belt on the pair I was wearing before. I took off the pajama bottoms and put on the jeans. They weren't as big I thought but I still needed my belt. I also took off the shirt he gave me and decided to wear just my sweatshirt.

I heard the front door shut as I walked out of the bedroom. I put my hand over my head and winced as a sharp pain shot though my forehead. I sighed, I didn't need another migraine right now.

I stumbled my way across the hall to the bathroom to find some Advil. My vision was slightly blurry making it hard for me to see where the light switch was. I opened the cabinet and hoped find some Advil. My eyes caught on a small orange bottle filled with white pills. I didn't stop myself as I picked it up and read the label. It was medication for anxiety. I squinted my eyes as I examined the bottle. My eye brows furrowed as realization washed over me. I thought about how I was probably making Josh's anxiety worse. The guilt I had from before increased.

I stood there for a moment thinking about what to do. My foot tapped on the ground nervously. I didn't want to stay with Josh any longer. Although he seemed nice I felt bad to impose on his life. This wasn't right.