r.a.b times (joshler)

chapter 1

Hello :)
Thanks for considering to read this fic. This is my first fic to write that will be some what long. I have had this idea for the story for so long and I am excited to try and write it. If I have any errors please tell me.
~ava :)

Tyler's POV:
Today was the day that I was going to do it. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I have wanted to stop living for years now. The only thing that was keeping me from doing it was now gone. I was so sick of this life that I had been living for too long. Another day seemed like torture.

Tears were spilling down my cheeks as I ran full speed through the woods. Everything around me was a blur. I smiled at the thought of finally getting to escape my nasty thoughts. There would be no more panic attacks and meltdowns. No more judgemental comments from my family. I was finally done.

I had tried numerous times to kill myself but I never was successful. Today was the day though, I could feel it. My brain was numb and none of my thoughts made sense. I woke up today with a terrible migraine.

I glanced at the blurry trees surrounding me. It was stupid of me to look away from the ground because in an instant I tripped on a rock and face planted into the dirt trail.

"Fuck!" I whispered and looked down at my bleeding knee. I shakily stood up and slipped my hands into my gray sweatshirt pocket. I felt a piece of paper in my pocket and pulled it out. Soon the awful memories came back and my tears started to multiply.

The paper was a set list that I had just recently wrote for my band twenty one pilots. Well not really my band anymore. Just yesterday I was some what happy as I walked to Nick's house where Chris would also be. They wanted to have an important meeting about the band. I thought it would be a good idea bring up a possible tour. Just to a few states though. I wrote the set list that I thought would be perfect but my feeling of happiness was lost the minute I arrived there.

~flashback~
Their faces were blank as I walked into the small apartment of Nick's. All three of us had been friends for what seemed like ever. I felt like they were mad at me and I started to panic. Of course we had gotten into fights before but this felt different. I had no idea what I did wrong. Nick gestured for me to come join him and Chris on his couch. He gave me a forced smile as he scooted over for me.

"Um... so I was thinking..." My fingers wrapped around the piece of paper in my pocket. "That maybe we could-"

"Actually Tyler, we should probably tell you something first." Nick interrupted.

"Ok..." I said with a nervous smile.

Nick took a deep breath for what he was about to say next. "Chris and I are leaving the band."

What he said shocked me so much that I didn't even think I heard him correctly. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked back and forth between Chris and Nick. Their facial expressions still blank but now with a little bit of sadness showing. "Why? Did I do something? I'm so sorry! I really am." I asked with a shaky voice. The tears starting to fill my eyes.

"It's for the best." Chris said. "Nick and I want to focus on other things for now."

"What other things! What do you mean for now!" I said panicking. My anxiety was erupting.

"We feel like the band isn't going anywhere. You know maybe it will someday if you are lucky. But we think that it is time to stop dreaming about becoming famous and starting to focus on becoming an adult." Nick said.

His words felt like a knife in my stomach. "But... but... what about how far we have come. We started with nothing and... And now you just want to throw everything away that we have worked so hard to get!" I said. My emotions mixed with anger and anxiety.

"Tyler, this is how it is going to be! We don't even have fans! Yeh we have the ten people that show up to our show every now and then but... But that's nothing! Get over yourself." Nick shouted. He let out an angry sigh.

I just stood there not knowing what to say. God, he was being such a prick. They were both being pricks although Chris just quietly sat on the couch listening. "We have fans." I whispered after a long amount of silence. "I have fans." I corrected. Tears started to roll down my face as I thought about how I had nothing now. This band was the only thing going for me.

"Tyler don't cry please." Nick said with sincerity in his voice.

"It's fine. I'm fine. You guys can leave." I said. Just like everyone else in my life. I thought. The volume of my voice had dropped a noticeable amount.

"Tyler we can still be friends. I just hope you know where we are coming from." Nick said.

"Yeh." I gave a fake smile. "I understand. I'm gonna go now." I sat up from the couch. "Nice talk." I said sarcastically.
~end of flashback~

I snapped out of my thoughts from yesterday. After thinking about what happened again made me more sure that I wanted to do what I was planning. I picked my feet off the ground and started to run again.