r.a.b times (joshler)

chapter 4

We did our best to be quiet while walking up the stairs to his apartment. The building wasn't luxurious, but it wasn't trashy either. It had small hallways that were clean and smelled like a doctors office. We approached a door with the number "145" painted on it. The curly haired boy fumbled for the key in his back pocket. The lock clicked and the door creaked open. Before I could walk in the curly haired boy put his arm out in front of my chest. I looked up at him and noticed that he was so much more attractive in the light. I could see his jaw line more clearly. His eyes also seemed to be more than just one color.

"Sorry if it is... you know, a mess." His words slightly slurred together because of his loss of sleep.

"Oh, it's really no problem. You are already going out of your way to help me." I said probably a little too loudly. He moved his arm and let me walk in.

I took a few steps and then heard the door shut behind me. The apartment was small but very nice. I didn't see the mess he was talking about. The first thing my eyes landed on were the set of drums placed in the corner of the living room. The walls were painted a soft, light green color that complemented the beige furniture. The many band posters that hung on the living room walls were also a nice touch. To the left of the living room was a small kitchen that looked like it hadn't been used in ages. From the kitchen and the living room there was a tiny island table that had a large window behind it. I assumed his bedroom was down the hallway on the left me. The curly haired boy stood silently behind me while I observed his apartment.

"It is so nice." I said to break the silence.

He smiled at my complement and nodded. "Thanks I just moved in recently."

"You can sleep in my bedroom down the hall if you want. I'll sleep here on the couch." He said gesturing to the piece of furniture next to him.

"Oh uh... that is really nice but I can just sleep on the floor in here. It's your bedroom." I replied with a nervous and awkward voice. I didn't want him to feel obligated to let me sleep in his room.

"No, I insist. I-" He paused for a moment questioning if he should say what he was going to say next. "I actually want to sleep out here so you don't leave. Oh fuck... I didn't mean for that to sound so creepy. I was just... I uh don't want you to leave and try what you tried to do just a few hours ago." His anxiety seemed to get worse every second he spoke.

"Oh." My face fell as the memories started to come back. "I won't leave... you know... until you want me to."

He bit his lip nervously while I spoke. Fuck, that made him so much more attractive.

"Let me go get you some clean clothes." He said heading off down the hall to his room. I heard the sigh of relief he made as he left. He seemed just as nervous as I was. I looked down at my muddy jeans. A thick layer of mud was dried around the soles of my shoes. I slipped my shoes off at the door so I didn't track dirt though his nice apartment.

Moments later he came back holding a pair of long blue pajama bottoms and a black t-shirt. I could tell already that the clothes would be to big for my scrawny body.

"Thanks." I said with a smile.

"Yeh no problem. I hope that they fit okay. The bathroom is down that hall and my bedroom is right across from it." He pointed down the dark hallway.

"Thank you." I said again with an awkward nod. I walked down the hallway and into the bathroom.

The bathroom was just as nice the rest of the house. I noticed it was a little messy but I understood because I was also a messy person. My eyes landed on the reflection I saw of myself in the mirror. My eyes had major dark circles surrounding them. I took my grey hoodie off and instantly felt cold. Goose bumps accumulated across my bare chest as the cold air wrapped around me. I pulled the curly hair boy's shirt over my head. It went down to my mid thigh and hung off my shoulder a little. I lifted it up and frowned at the sight of my rib cage. I hated being so scrawny and ghost looking. It was probably the reason why my appearance frightened people so much. When ever I met someone new they would act so surprised that was even living. Tears brimmed my eyes and I shook my head to rid the thoughts. I didn't want to cry right now. I took my jeans off and slipped into the pajama bottoms. They were defiantly roomy but I managed to pull the draw string around the waist tight enough so that they didn't fall down. My hip bones were also another thing that I hated about myself. They stuck out more than they should and made me look inhuman. I scooped the clothes off the ground and headed across the hall to his bedroom.

His bedroom had another window like the one in the main room next to this one. I peaked out of it to see a street that with a few houses and a park. It wasn't as dark as when we were driving. The sun had started to rise a little making the once black sky now a dark blue. The little light from the window allowed me spot the bed to the left. I found his alarm clock and glanced at the numbers it projected with a red light. "2:36 am" it read. My body fell back onto the bed. I stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep to wash over me. I guess I slept too much in the car on the way over here. I felt my mind starting to drift but then was startled by the sound of knocking on my door. I sat up and folded my arms over my chest because of the absence of my sweatshirt.

"Can I come in?" I heard from outside of the door.

"Yeh, you're good." I replied sleepily with a yawn.

The curly haired boy walked in apologising for waking me up. He grabbed some clothes from his dresser and started to walk out. He stopped for a minute and his eyes landed on me. I could tell he was looking me up and down realising that I had almost no body weight.

"Goodnight." He said trying to act as if he wasn't just staring at me.

"Goodnight." I said back with a kind smile even though I knew he probably couldn't see it in the darkness. With that he left and shut the door behind him. I listened to his foot steps go down the hall until they stopped. I sighed tying to fall asleep again. It was hard to even believe this night had been real. Just hours ago I tried to kill myself and now I'm laying in a strangers bed wearing his clothes. I was still aware we didn't know each other's names but I was planning to ask him in the morning. For now I just needed to clear my mind and sleep.

I sorda like this chapter more than the others. It took a while to write. I hope you enjoyed it.
~ava :)