A S-CREEK-ret Admirer

Candy-gram

"What the fuuuuuck??!?" Clyde whines in my ear, sifting through the pile of valentine's candies on my desk.
"Who even are half these girls?!?" He exclaims, teary-eyed as he reads the notes attached. I smirk to myself at his expense. He fancies himself such a ladies man, yet he didn't receive a single candy-gram.
"Seriously guys!!" He wails,"Even Tweek got one!!"
My eyes immediately shift over to where Tweek sits, several desks away. His sparkling, moss-green eyes are stretched wide in shock, as he stares at a single candy-gram in his hands.
"Who's it from Tweek?" Kenny sings, walking over to sit on the edge of Tweek's desk. Bebe leans over his legs from her desk excitedly. Tweek slowly turns his head and stares up at Kenny, shell shocked.
"I don't know man!!" He strains, clearly stressed by the simple Valentine's Day tradition. Kenny cranes his head to read the note attached.
"Oooooooh~ a secret admirer! How special!!" Kenny announces, wolf-whistling, and eliciting several cat calls and coos from Bebe, Kyle and Stan. I can't help but smirk, pleased as pie with myself.
Flustered, Tweek squints suspiciously at the candy in his hands.
"No way man!! It's gotta be some kind of joke! Or maybe it's a s-stalker and this is a sick game!!" Kenny and Bebe laugh good-naturedly at the absurdity of Tweek's thought spiral, along with Token, Stan, and Kyle, who also sat around us. Even I couldn't help chuckling, but then, I was in on a whole different joke.
Clyde was the only one not amused, staring at Tweek, mouth hanging open in disbelief.
"Tweek are you serious right now?! You should be grateful someone took the time to send you a valentine!!" Clyde scolds, though, it's not very effective in combination with his whining tone,  and the self-pitying tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Dude. You can have all of mine, just stop crying already it's embarrassing," I tease.
"I don't want one from you!! It's the principle of the matter!" Clyde wails, overdramatizing his apparent sorrow, making everyone chuckle again.
"Oh boo-hoo Clyde, I didn't get any either." Bebe says.
"There's two in your hands right now!!" He exclaims.
"Oh, these don't count, ones from Wendy and the other's from Annie." Bebe shrugs.
"We all bought them together." She explains. Stan snickers.
"Yeah, Clyde, maybe you should've grabbed your best bffs and bought Valentines for each other together," teases Stan. Clyde glares at me and Token.
"What the fuck guys!" Clyde accuses. Everyone cracks up again, just as the bell finally rings for lunch.

I watch Tweek twitch, and continue to over-analyze his Valentine's candy as we all walk to lunch, Bebe and Kenny leading the group and chattering excitedly. Token tries his best to console Clyde, and Stan and Kyle debate whether the logistics of sending candy grams to girls is sexist or not.
I swear, some of the shit they talk about...

Bebe runs off somewhere as we enter the cafeteria, and the rest of us grab lunch, heading to our usual table.
Bebe is already there with Wendy, Nichole, Annie, Lola and Red, in what looks like a heated debate with Cartman, Butters and Jimmy. Kenny shuffles in in-between Red and Bebe, Stan, with Kyle at his side, settles in next to Wendy, and all three boys immediately join in on the debate. I sigh, wondering what ridiculous argument will provide today's lunch entertainment. Clyde clambers in next to Jimmy, cracking a joke they both laugh at, and Token slides in next to Nichole, sweetly kissing her cheek. I smile to myself. They're literally the perfect couple.
I grab the seat between Token and Clyde and Tweek takes the open one on the end, across from me.
I secretly wish I was next to him, but at least this way, I have an unobstructed line of sight.

Today's audio entertainment, or rather, audio pollution, is a rather offensive argument about the self righteousness of vegans, and the correlation of that, to the number of female vegans.
Needless to say, Cartman was on the offensive side, while Wendy and Kyle made up the majority of the opposing party. I tune them out for the most part, splitting my attention between the silly conversation Clyde and Jimmy are having, and watching Tweek pick at his food uncomfortably, flinching from time to time at Kyle's angry outbursts.

"Yeah well, just because you aren't a girl, Kahl, doesn't mean you aren't a bitch." Cartman begins to resort to petty insults, which fires Kyle up even more than the political incorrectness.
I sigh, rolling my eyes at the routine. Every fuckin day. You'd think someone as smart as Kyle would learn, but no, he falls for the same stupid ploy every time.
Sometimes, I like to pretend they're secretly in love with each other, and man does that ever get entertaining. If I do it too often though, it honestly seems like they really are just SUPER gay for each other. Kyle's beet red face only adds to my impression, as well as the sadistic glint in Cartman's eyes. It's already a well known fact that Cartman only gets off on Kyle's rage.

When Kyle nearly leaps onto the table, screaming profanities at Cartman, Tweek silently slips out of his seat, sneaking away quietly while everyone's attention is on Kyle.
I watch him exit the cafeteria, and after a pause, I decide to follow.