A S-CREEK-ret Admirer

Self-Consciousness

The rest of my classes before lunch today don't have anyone I talk to in them, so I absently chew on the inside of my cheek the rest of the morning, mimicking the gnawing feeling that still lingers in my stomach.
Why am I still so fixated on this?
Obviously, Tweek just felt uncomfortable laughing at me to my face, cause I saved him from the spotlight. That's why he couldn't look at me.
The bell rings for lunch, but I barely hear it, automatically gathering my shit, and following the throng of students out of the class like a mindless drone.
I grab my lunch in much of the same fashion, and find myself sitting at our usual table... alone.
I blink myself back to the present, casting my eyes around to see if I had somehow missed something, but no one is in sight.

Tweek sits with his tray not long after, and I immediately ask him where everyone went.
"Oh, uhm, they all went out to get city-wok today. Clyde texted you, but you never replied, so he just assumed you were "butt-hurt" and didn't wanna go." He says, gesturing air quotes. I check my phone, and sure enough, five missed texts from Clyde.
"Oh." I say.
"Are you?" He asks.
"What?"
"Are you butt-hurt?" He clarifies.
"No, I just didn't notice." I tell him, tossing a fry into my mouth, to emphasize my nonchalance. He nods, smirking to himself, and gets started on his own lunch.
"Why didn't you go?" I ask. He looks up, but then shifts his gaze to the side again.
"O-oh, I just didn't feel like it," he says, somewhat awkwardly. The strange gnawing in my stomach fires up again, so I drown it in fries, and we eat our lunches without talking.
Oh man, what is this?
Why is it so weird to be alone with Tweek?
When was the last time we hung out alone..?
Was it this awkward then??
I think back, and the most recent time we were alone, was in the washroom yesterday. That wasn't awkward at all.
In fact, it actually emphasized how awesome it is to be alone with Tweek.
So what the fuck happened?
Just that I came out? So, is that really it? It's suddenly weird because I blurted that I'm bi?? Even after he admitted not being completely straight??
"A-also, because I wanted to ask you something." Tweek says, snapping me out of my mental spiral. He has trouble meeting my eyes again, but he tries to maintain eye contact.
"Uhm, h-how did you know that you were.. uhm, n-not, uh, straight..?" He asks, colour flushing his cheeks as he fidgets awkwardly. I shrug, my natural, outward apathy saving my dignity, once again.
"I got a crush on a dude." I say casually, and almost immediately regret it as his eyes widen briefly, and he quickly looks away again, even more colour flaring up in his cheeks.
"O-oh.." he stutters.
It's quiet after that, and unbearably awkward, but then he laughs.
I look over at him as he tugs at his hair, relief clearly plastered over his features, despite the splotches of angry red still painting his cheeks.
"So all I need to know, is if I get a crush on someone, then I'm bi?" He asks.
"Uhhh, I think you can know before then too... like if you think both girls, and dudes are cute, that's a pretty safe bet, like what Bebe said earlier." I tell him. He nods, as if finally understanding some sort of deeply intellectual concept. I snicker.
"Is that what's stressing you out? Dude, you get worked up over the strangest things." I laugh. He grins.
"Hey, it's not strange, thousands of kids are struggling with their sexuality." He says in mock indignation. I smirk, relieved beyond words that the awkwardness between us seems to have dissolved.
"So seriously though, are you disappointed it's from a dude?" I probe, keeping my tone light and teasing. He throws me a look, but then seriously considers.
"Hmm, I don't know... but, I'm kind of relieved it wasn't from a girl?" He admits sheepishly, shrinking into himself. I laugh.
"So you aren't into girls AT ALL then?? I think that would mean you're gay, Tweek."
"No! I am! I'm just... scared.. of them..." he says, giggling nervously.
"I know that sounds stupid, but girls are just so... intense? Like look at Bebe! She's so, like... energetic all the time..." he says, looking throughly concerned. I can't help my excessive laughter.
"Not all girls are like queen Bebe!" I exclaim through uncontrollable giggling. He frowns at me.
"I know that! But... I just don't think I could keep up... or be enough..." he finishes quietly.
Oh, Tweek... my laughter fades.
My heart aches for him, but leaps in excitement at the same time.
Maybe I'm reading in-between the lines too much, but it sounds like everything he's worried about doesn't apply to me.
I'm chill, he doesn't even have to try and he keeps up with me, and I could never, ever, even begin to think he's not enough.
"Hey, you are enough, Tweek." I tell him gently. "Anyone would be lucky to be with you. You're seriously fuckin rad, and... well, you're pretty cute too." I casually admit, with my heart between my teeth. He smiles bashfully up at me from underneath his eyelashes, and I could almost pass out from adorable overload. I'm really pushing it here, I really hope he doesn't notice how desperately in love with him I am.
"Thanks, Craig." He chuckles sheepishly, rubbing at the back of is neck.
"You're p-pretty cute too." He laughs, returning the compliment.
My heart nearly leaps out of my chest and onto his plate, to throb painfully and beg desperately to be devoured, but instead, I choke out an overconfident chuckle.
"You don't need to tell me that," I joke, hoping to lighten the heavily charged mood.
It works, and he giggles, shaking his head at my bravado.
"True, you did get all the valentines," he says, winking dramatically.
Goddamn, I'm living for our banter.
"Wanna hang out today? Just me and you? It can be my revenge, since everyone but you ditched me." I ask spontaneously. He beams at me.
"Sure. We can take super cool selfies and send them to Clyde, too." He says mischievously.
Aw man, he's perfect. I fucking love him so much.